A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is this possible for my girlfriend to have been an asexual, she hasn't had sex yet and I asked her why that is (just curious why people don't) and she said she never felt that attraction to have sex with anyone until she came to university. She said all through school and college even though all her friends were having sex and she met loads of guys, she never felt sexually attracted to someone or really cared about sex so she said she used to be an asexual. But since being at university she feels like it's more in her face than ever and now isn't one?How is it she used to be one, but now university.. she isn't an asexual? And another question, just because she never felt that attraction or cared about sex when she was in college, would that really make her an asexual or wouldn't she just be a girl who didn't have an interest for sex.... i'm confused on what she means!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 September 2012):
 She never was an asexual. She was just a late bloomer, like the previous poster said. When people are young they don't really feel sexual you know.. that's something that comes with maturing. Teenage boys think waaaaay more about sex than teenage girls do, teenage girls just think about babies actually. Not sex. The sexual part of it, and wanting sex, can for some people come later in life, maybe around the time they are 18-25.
My boyfriend was a virgin until he was 24 years old. I wondered if he was asexual, since he'd never hooked up with anyone before, not even for just kissing or touching/groping. He never did any of that stuff, and wasn't interested in doing it either. But it's not because he was asexual... He just wasn't interested in one night stands, casual hook-ups, and hadn't found someone to be in a relationship with yet.
People have different reasons for not having sex, especially when they are young. It is rarely because they are asexual.
It is possible to not be interested in sex for a period, without that meaning you are asexual. If you are asexual you are NEVER, in your entire life, interested in sex. But to periodically not be interested in it is more common.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2012): I dont think that makes some one asexual. Maybe she wanted to put a name on it because she hadn't felt that way about someone, when all her friends and people she knew are.
I was the same as your gf - wasn't remotely interested in any of the boys at school. It wasn't until my early 20's that i was. I think it was partly me not being interested or find any of them attractive (or likeable!) and no confidence was the issue. When i became more confident, thats when i probably put myself out there. Maybe going to university, helped her, broaden her world and who she knew. When you are at school, its just that little tiny world, and when you finally got out, there is this whole other world. If you are together, she must be interested in you. Just dont pressure her into having sex, some people take longer than others.
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