A
female
age
36-40,
*enna
writes:My husband of a year and a half has just admitted to me that he feels like he doesn't love me anymore, and hasn't for quite some time. He said he feels like he's been pretending all this time. I feel like he is rushing towards divorce much too fast, without putting any effort into trying to save the marriage. In the past I haven't exactly been the best wife/friend/person. Most of this time he's been the main provider as I seem to have problems keeping a job. I've hurt him in the past and I think that it is still affecting him. Also he was sexually abused once as a child, and verbally abused by his mother till the age of 13 when she passed away.Is it possible he's just become too afraid to love me? I want him to try counselling, if for nothing else than working out his own problems. I'm not sure what to do about this. I love him dearly... and I think that a marriage is something important enough to at least try to save.Does anyone have advice for me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): Maybe the reason why he's afraid of loving you is because he was verbally abused by his mother which is someone in his life that he probably once loved. Maybe he's scared that you'll abuse him one way or another too once he's properly in love with you. Reassure that you won't abuse him or hurt him in any way. If this reassurance doesn't help then, ask you've said, councelling might be a good option. That way you'll have help to sort out your marriage rather than just rushing to get a divorce. Divorce should be a last resort.
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (25 March 2007):
 Marriage is most sacred and everythng should be done to resolve your problems before seeking the advise of a divorce lawyer.
Being a sexual abuse victim myself, I know from experience that it has long term affects and consequences. One being the fear of being close to someone, and the other is trust issues. You have said that you have hurt him in the past, perhaps not knowingly, but you admit you have hurt him. This will play on the trust issue as he will probably already have trust issues. As for the fear of being close to someone, he was perhaps temporarily able to overcome this by the obvious passion and love you have for each other, he just needs to know that you still love him and are willing to work on it.
You both need to go to counselling. If you love him, suggest it to him and make sure you speak to someone he feels comfortable speaking to. That is so important!
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