A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do you believe it is possible for your soulmate to be married to someone else? I believe mine is married to someone else (for about 10-12 years now). He has told me he loves me (and I him) but he hasn't mentioned he would divorce his wife, so of course, we haven't taken it any further. There are many reasons why I believe he is my soulmate - which I won't bore you with here - but, should I just move on? Or should I wait for the possibility that one day he may get a divorce? Thanks in advance for your responses!
View related questions:
divorce, move on, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, samleaz  +, writes (20 March 2010):
I have known my soul-mate when he was already having problems with his wife. He had live mostly out of his marital home. We met 10 years ago and had been together ever since. I knew he was married and having problem. In a short time knowing each other, we already knew we are made for each other. He do care for his children but was not given opportunity to see them when they were young. He still continue to support his family. He loved my son and I very much and we had been living like a real family. He told me that he would want to wait for his children to finish school before he make any decision. I fully understand that, what my son and I have is love. Even we are not legally married but he had introduced me to friends as his wife. His close buddy could testify to our relationship. Though there is always up and down in relationship, we are still together. I have loved, cared him and then he had a heart attack overseas. His last words was `I love you' before he insisted on coming back. I arranged for ambulance to standby but he could not be saved. My biggest regret was to call his next-of-kin to inform of his demise. In 10 years, when they don't even care for him and now they felt his body is theirs. I was totally shut off and threaten not to attend his funeral. It's been two weeks since he left us and I was so devastated. I have lost my soul-mate and my son had someone who he had regarded as his daddy all this while. I will always remember his birthday wish for me last year. It reads "You've always been there to show me that "family" means so much more than sharing a name or even an address...thank you for caring enough in ways that have made a difference in my life"
Eventhough we are not man & wife in legal terms, he will always be a great soul-mate and daddy to my boy. His memory will a treasure to us. I missed him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Yes I think it's possible. I feel pretty sure I met my soul mate when I was in college. We started out as friends and were immediately attracted to one another. There was a very certain pull and connection that we had. Our relationship became romantic early on but neither of us declared it anything official. We just went with it. At one point I asked if we could take it there but he thought we were better as friends and I accepted that. I was disappointed but oddly not heartbroken. The most important thing to me and him too was that we stay close. A few months after that I met a man I fell in love with and have now been in a committed relationship for almost a decade. My friend is married now. I'm friends with his wife and now consider her family as I do him. It's hard to describe exactly, but I think that your soul mate can be that one person that knows you best without you having to say anything. They can be anyone. It's great when it's a romantic love but it's still pretty profound when it's not. So while I didn't end up with the person, the fact that he's in my life it's what's cool and he's one of my dearest friends. Either way, it's just important to surround yourself with people that get and support you, that encourage you to be the best version of yourself you can be and love you. Acceptance is a big part of love and when you can accept things as they are, it leaves room for other great things to emerge.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Wow. I am amazed at how many other people are in this boat. I met my soul mate about 7 years ago. He lives across the street and has two boys the same age as mine. He was a stay at home dad when I was a stay at home mom. We did everything for a few years together. There was NEVER any physical relationship or even flirtation. Just a very deep connection. We share so many of the same thoughts and feelings that when I look at him I feel like I am looking in a mirror. We are both married to great people who love us and our families are friends. Neither of us would EVER risk losing our families.
I think he was unnerved by the fact that we connected on so many levels as there was a specific time when he pulled away from his friendship with me and recommitted himself to his wife and family. Although this has been difficult for me I know it is something he felt he needed to do and I would never tell him ask him to put his relationship with his wife and children at risk.
I do wish, however that he would go back to treating me the way he used to. We had an easy friendship and I miss him so much as my friend. We still socialize and the children still play but things are so different between us now and he goes out of his way to let me know that he's committed to his family. Now that some time has gone by I really feel like telling him how I felt and that I would have never acted on it. I truly want the best for him and his family but that fact that I love him will never change.
I have really made an effort to go on with my life. I have recommitted myself to my amazing husband and made an effort to find other friends to fill the void of him. Nothing will ever replace him in my heart but I do not believe that you have to be with your soulmate on this earth. That relationship goes beyond this place. I agree with another post that says you should be thankful for the fact that you met them and enjoy the fact that they reminded you of how to love all of the people in your life. Be the best that you can be and love those around you unconditionally.
Best of luck to all of you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): Yes it is possible for your soulmate to be in a relationship with someone else. I became involved with mine 4 years ago and in someways it is worse because he isn't married but is only living with someone who he says he will never leave.
I had known Steve for over 20 years when he first started to pursue me and eventually persuaded me into an affair against my better judgement. He then found my feelings for him too much to handle and broke it off after 8 months.
We became involved again last year but now I think he wants to finish it, again because my feelings for him are so intense when his are really only physical.
I can't even ask him to leave his partner because I have an elderly mother living with me who needs me and the situation would be impossible.
Like other respondents to this question, I think about him every day and can't envisage a time when I won't. I don't think I will ever love anyone else. Even during the years when we were apart I never stopped loving him despite dating other people).
He is the only man I have ever loved and when we first got together it just seemed so 'right'. We enjoyed each others company and it all seemed so 'easy'.
I suppose it's better to have loved and lost (to coin a cliche) than never to have loved at all but I certainly don't relish a lonely old age and face a miserable future without him.
...............................
A
female
reader, dragonfly33 +, writes (27 December 2009):
i believe in soulmates....i think soulmates can be anyone in your life that makes a huge impact...someone who stands out from others! and yes i do believe in what some have experienced here as soulmate connection bc i have experienced it....for those of you struggling and who believe in the soulmate thing..i recommend the book by Steve Gunn When Two Souls Connect...it will help you better understand what you are feeling and hopefully answer some of those unanswered questions and feelings you are dealing with!!good luck on your adventure
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2008): I belive that your soulmate can be married to someone else ive just spent the last year with someone that i belive in my heart and soul to be my soulmate yes some will say i was wrong and shoul never have let it happen but too be honest i could not help it she was and will always be my soulmate i know it was wrong to take action but know im getting my payback i have no heart my soul yearns for her every second of every day my life has fallen into tatters and im typeing this and thinking about her right now and would welcome her back with open arms as i cant even think stright and am so lost without her it feels like my evey part of my body is aching and my soul feels like its dieing my heart now and always will be with her and this is the start of the rest of my life so be warned theres always two sides to being with your soulmate
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Yes, I do believe that someone can be your soul mate and can be married to someone else... A soul mate is someone who teaches you a powerful lesson, not nessessarily marries you. Unfortunately I learned this the hard way as well. I am married and fell in love with someone who is married as well. Nothing physical ever became of it, but we both experience a deep connection that can only be experienced on a soul level. But leaving your family to be with another is always difficult, often impossible, so it ended. It ended and it hurts like hell. So what is the lesson? What did you learn about yourself during your relationship with your soulmate? I learned things about myself again that I had completely forgotton about. Things that I have not felt in years and did not know I could feel ever again.I learned that the joy I feel when I am in love gives me tremendous energy and creativity. I learned what it feels like to be whole again. I learned that this is who I am with or without a mate. These things are a part of me and who I am. The point I'm trying to make is this: You have met someone that has brought out the best in you. You have discovered something about yourself that you can keep and live with even if you can not share it with this person. Love this part of it and try to move on so that you can stay open and share all of that love and goodness with someone who is available to you and can love you for who you are.3 :) 3
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): Hi, How long have you been seeing him? I am in the same boat as you but probably a lot more COMPLICATED! Complicated being emphasized! I met Sara in 2001 when I got a new job. We started going to lunch together and her company was VERY enjoyable to say the least. That went on for months. I never thought someone could make me feel so good and I know I do the same for her. She had a boyfriend off and on whom she had a daughter that was still coming around. She also has a son from a previous marriage but he cheated on her and got divorced. We started talking on the phone for hours and hours. We later planned our first date. The dinner and movie thing. She invited me back to her place and we made love. I resisted but didn't want her feeling upset or rejected. I had no intentions of having sex that night. We saw each a few more times and sill talked on the phone. She got a different job and my heart sank when I heard this. The phone calls started getting less and less. Her birthday came around and I sent her flowers and she called me to tell me she had a fight with her exboyfriend and didn't want to talk anymore. I took it very hard but respected her wish. Honestly, for four years there was not a day that went by that I didn't think about her. It was hard to sleep at night and I even had dreams of us kissing! But in 2005 she got a job at a store next to mine! One day I saw her walking up to goto work through the parking lot and felt immediate happiness but then found myself asking why. This made things harder knowing that she worked next door. Months went by and I always enjoyed watching her enter or leave from work. My deepest hopes were that she would come in to see me. One day she did come in to see me. When I saw her I immediately knew she wasn't happy in current situation SHE WAS MARRIED. I acted like I did have much interest in her considering I was seeing someone too. Thats another thing I couldn't date anyone without comparing them to her and never had sex with them. She asked if I would goto lunch with her and I said ok but I blew her off. I just wanted to see how serious she was. Almost year later I was getting promoted and would be moving and another co-worker of mine bumped into Sara and told her this. She came in again and said, "it wouldn't kill you to goto lunch with me." She would not take no for an answer so I did. It was one of the happiest days of my life and especially finding we still had feelings for each other!
Going to lunch together became a daily ritual again. Later on we started meeting at my apartment and after a few times she wanted to have sex with me but I resisted and she left. We still went to lunch like normal but another time at my apartment we did make love again. We started going to movies and out to dinner besides having a phone glued our heads when weren't together when possibe. Then, came the time I had to move. I was scared we would lose touch. Even though now we were two hours away we kept in touch. We were VERY close now emotionally! It botheres me a lot that she is still married but she said things about leaving and actually filing for divorce. It was hard seeing her only when she could get away when we met somewhere in between. She has been hurt in her life by family and she was married twice before her current husband. My point is she doesn't use the word love easily. When she says it she means it. Now in 2008 she finally told me this and words can't describe how it felt coming from her. Recently I got her pregnant and she told her husband. He was extremely mad but didn't kick her out thank God. She told me she can't talk to me anymore. I don't know what to do!? She is just staying with him for the kids sake and security. She knows she is living a lie and she has told me this! She told me for the sake of my unborn kid and her kids just to say it her husband's (who can't have kids) baby so it wouldn't confuse them. I know in my heart we are soul mates she admitted it too. We are truly happy when together. I know she married again just for the kids. They are so adorable! She even said her son is just like me! :) Her husband treats his own kids like crap and that bothers Sara. What do I do? I know I am right for her and her kids! Should I try convince her or just wait things out. I know those five years I wasn't with her very were hard and don't want to go through that again. I love her with all my heart and soul. I don't want the baby to grow up with out its true father. This is brief so I hope its understandable a lot is left out too. It just seems like we were made for each other. How do I convince her it was meant to be? Follow your heart and happiness will follow right? Whats you take on this?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): I kinda feel like im in something of the early stages of what your talking about. i know that my best friend is my soul mate, although hes dating someone else right now. I think that it is possible for them to be married to someone else. I think that you shouldnt make a point of just waiting around but to have fun, if you do find someone that you have a good time with then great if not you still know that hes there when you need him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Of course it's possible that you soulmate is married! If your definition of a soulmate is one whose soul perfectly matches your own. That doesn't mean you should sit around waiting for this man to get a divorce! Even if there is only one soulmate for you, (which is my personal belief) you can love and be loved by others. The moral choices are simple, avoid this person and go on with your life trying not to think of him, or allow him in your life as a friend only (which is usually the more difficult path). Either way move along, he's married, and you don't want to be the other woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 To tell you the truth I don't believe in one 'soulmate'. I believe in Mr 'Right at the right itme'. As in, many people we can 'connect with' but it is to do with the setting and our frame of mind and reference.
So I wouldn't get hung up on this guy. Otherwise you will continue to be left dangling and miss the next available 'Mr Right'!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): I am the original question "proposer". Thank you for those of you that have responded. Just to clear things up: we have never had any physical/intimate contact whatsoever. My actions right now are to move on despite my belief that he is my soulmate. I truly believe that since he is married, he is not right for me, right now. I guess my worry is that someday he may wake up and realize we are meant for each (if indeed we truly are...I admit, I may be mistaken) and divorce his wife, in which case, I would be married. Has anyone ever felt that their soulmate was married to someone else and than later in life, actually got together with that person?
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 February 2007):
 Why you would even want this sorry sack of s**t is beyond me. I think one of the most important aspects in any relationship is mutual respect and man alive you should can't respect this cheater. Drop him like a hot potato and do something with your life. You are just wasting you time and you will regret it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): There is no way this man knows how to love correctly, properly, and respectfully.
A man who knows how to love would not put his lustful needs before the emotional needs of the WOMAN, singular, he loves.
He would know how to be accoutable and honest and would have either stayed devoted to his wife and marriage vows or separate with the full intent to divorce before dating and introducing another woman into his life.
That is how a grown, adult, man who is a man of integrity and worthy of a good, honest and respectful woman would govern himself.
He isn't a soulmate and you need to smarten up and love and respect yourself. When you can do this, you will attract the kind of man who knows how to love and respect you to.
Best Wishes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): There is no way this man knows how to love correctly, properly, and respectfully.
A man who knows how to love would not put his lustful needs before the emotional needs of the WOMAN, singular, he loves.
He would know how to be accoutable and honest and would have either stayed devoted to his wife and marriage vows or separate with the full intent to divorce before dating and introducing another woman into his life.
That is how a grown, adult, man who is a man of integrity and worthy of a good, honest and respectful woman would govern himself.
He isn't a soulmate and you need to smarten up and love and respect yourself. When you can do this, you will attract the kind of man who knows how to love and respect you to.
Best Wishes.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (20 February 2007):
 I'm with Jovial. I don't get this "soul mate" thing either.
I'll repeat my "soul mate" story: My ex-wife moved 1800 miles to be with her "soul mate". He beat her up and tried to drown her. All "soul mates' aren't created equal.
Go find someone that isn't already married. There are lots of potential "soul mates" that have yet to be discovered. LOL.
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): He is married, so how can he be YOUR Soulmate? I hate to point this one out but he is with someone else, so why are you messing around with him? He is cheating on his wife, and believe me, once they do that, they will do it again. He isn't free and single so i think you should move on. Just go out there and get a bloke of your own and stop messing around with someone else's bloke. I really do think the soulmate thing is daft, he is a bloke, most of them haven't got a soul, yours certainly hasn't or he wouldn't be cheating on his wife!!!
Take care
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2007): It depends what you mean by "soul-mate". If you mean it is where two souls are destined to be together in a romantic, faithful and committed relationship then obviously this guy is not your soul mate, is he?
Personally, I don't believe soul-mates have to be sexual or committed in a relationship. If the "soul" exists then it transcends the ideals of the relationships we impose on ourselves. The nature of the soul is that it is eternal and goes beyond physical being. I believe a soul-mate is someone you have a truly deep and spiritual connection with, it shows mutual love and compassion, but it can be platonic in nature. I also think you can have more than one soul-mate.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 dear anonymous
i dont really get this soulmate thing maybe because i have never met mine, so i dont know if my advice is what you were looking.
anyway from what i have read they said its not always that soulmate end up together which means if you wait for that divorce to happen you might find yourself waiting forever And end up very lonely while he keeps you unhappy if not his wife. this guy might be cheating on his wife just to get what is missing in his marriage, I know you said you haven’t taken anything further but the truth is you really don’t know what his intentions are which means you might just stay as his secret mistress if u decide to take things further. My advice is to let this go and not help him wreck his marriage you dont want that in your concious believe me. Rather find someone who is available in all areas who will love you and respect you at the same time, than wait for someone who has no respect for his wife soulmate or not, I believe there are many couples out there who are really happy with their partners who are not their soulmates. We can say all we want but at the end of the day its your decision to make, do what makes you happy but consider all the consequences you might have to suffer including all parties involved in the long run if u decide to stay in this relationship.
jovial
...............................
|
