A
female
age
41-50,
*olors
writes:Hi there.... I am hoping to get a bit of advise regarding my current relationship.I met this guy 9 months ago. we have a great relationship and since day one we have been inseperable. He is 37 has never been married or had kids. We started as friends with benefits since he is not ready to put a title to our relationship. He says that he loves me very much and that he wants to do things right. We dont have sex often because he says he wants to built our relationship on the important things not to be based out of sex. That he has given himself before and then he gets tossed soon after. That he might someday put the wall down and let me get in completely that he is on guard to not get hurt again. He also says he hopes we spend the next 10 to 20 years together. I beleive we have a strong relationship and I am in love with this guy. I find it very hard to get out since we both care about each other very much. Is it possible for someone to love and not lust? am I wasting my time? In my past relationships I have been lusted and sex was important. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Any advice? He refrains from french kissing me because he says he would let go and he is not there yet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Sounds alot like my situation also. Read my question.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/more-physically-intamate-with-my-platonic-friend-than.html
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Please read this question and the replies to it. Hopefully it will give you some insight and help you to assess your own situation.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/can-a-marriage-survive-when-sex-is-so.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2008): Dear Poster
I have recently dealt with a couple with a very similar situation; they have been together for nearly two years and the guy is using very much the same excuses; however,he really loves his partner and yeah, the seem to have a great relationship otherwise; but the sexual part was lacking and was worrying her; I did establish that he got hurt very badly in the past and that he was holding back because of FEAR; but unfortunately it also became evident that in his previous relationships he was accused of having a low libido and it created problems; this is something that can cause problems later in the relationship and if by then the emotional attached is very strong and it makes it more difficult to cut the ties or break up; but sexual compatibility is very important and you should pay attention to this very carefully.
I suggest you talk to him and try and find out more about his previous relationships and in general chatting try and find out from him what he thinks is normal how many time he thinks a couple should have sex a week etc. Just chat to him about sex i a committed relationship in general; try and establish if he could have low libido or have had that type of problem in the past.
Hope this is of assistance.
Best wishes and keep SMILING.
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