A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible for a man to REALLY have respect for a woman with whom he only wants to have a sexual relationship with? And....why would a man who is 47 years old NOW in his life be looking to get married and have children? I'm not judging anyone, but I find it kind of strange that a man who is 47 years old would wait until he is almost 50, to now want children and a wife. Also, most of his relationships have lasted no more than 3 years and he has also had his share of sexual relationships throughout the years as well. In one breath he is saying he wants a family and then in the other breath he is saying he likes his freedom and most of the women of his culture want money. He says that when he marries, he wants his wife to sign a prenup agreement because, he is not willing to split all the money him and his sister has made BEFORE he got married---basically, the wife came into the marriage with nothing and she will leave with nothing. He also says that while he has hurt women in his past, he has also been hurt which is why he is so closed and cautious with his heart and with whom he decides to marry. I just find all this stuff sort of "strange" and with each exp. I'm starting to set my belief in concrete that most men that I meet regardless of age or race are only after ONE thing...maybe two things, but it's usually sex...I'm sick and tired of being seen as just someone to have sex with, I'm tired of hearing men tell me how great of a woman I am, but I'm not great enough to be looked upon as a long term partner, I'm tired of men telling me how beautiful and young I am as if that is all to me....do you know that this year alone, I have met at least FIVE men and none of them wanted me for nothing more than sex or "companionship." And these weren't men in their 20's, one was in his early 30's and the other ones were in their early to late 40's.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2012): I'm in my late 40's and have recently dated a guy my age who sounds just like this one and wants to have his cake and eat it too, wants sex with no strings and sees other women as he pleases while claiming that most of them are "just friends" yeah right just like we were only friends and slept together and I wasn't allowed to be his official "girlfriend" as I had hoped. So sometimes men like this don't see women their own age as relationship material either because they just flat out want to keep being a player.I've finally seen this one for who he really is and he's very good at creating attraction and chemistry in a woman (women) with the way he acts and talks plus his looks. But he definitely doesn't have money to spend on any females as from what I've seen he can barely pay all his bills plus his child support each month and doesn't own a car. But for a man who doesn't have money to spend on females he certainly seems to have plenty of so called women "friends" like me that want (or have wanted) to spend time with him. And while some of them may only be friends I did find out that several besides myself were more than just so called friends....And this man is 47, so its never too old to continue living life as a player either. I've often wondered if he will ever get tired of never really having a steady girlfriend and then I wonder if these other girls will get tired of him and his self centered ways just like I have.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/he-says-im-a-great-woman-but-he56.html
Where did you meet these men?
Just because a guy is older doesn't mean he's mature, or looking for an actual long term relationship. He may be an older guy who is on the rebound from a failed marriage and is looking for fun. He may be an older guy who is in his mid-life crisis and needs some ego boosting. He may be the Peter Pan type who never wants to grow up.
Do not have sex with any man on a first or second or even third date until you know his intentions and then wait for at least 2 more dates as an added insurance policy.
I'd let this particular man float back out on his fantasy bubble and focus on what YOU want. If you want marriage and kids and a stable relationship, look for a guy who is looking for the same thing.
Personally, I think it's a waste of time to analyze these guys, other than being able to identify them. I mean, come on, how interesting are the machinations of a horny 47 year old who can't hold a relationship for very long? I expect a great deal of his brain power is spent on finding ways to exercise his penis in different women.... Maybe the reason he's a professor is for the ever-changing pool of new candidates? Um, yuck.
Look at their actions, don't listen to their words and don't sleep with them until you know they aren't in that class of guys who only want sex. It shouldn't be that difficult, right?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2012): "Is it possible for a man to REALLY have respect for a woman with whom he only wants to have a sexual relationship with?"
No, if a man truly respected women then he wouldn't have a sex only arrangement with one, and if the woman respected herself she would never allow a man to disrespect her so casually and callously.
"why would a man who is 47 years old NOW in his life be looking to get married and have children?"
Because it sounds better than saying "I want to bleep you regularly and frequently" which is what he really wants. Why would a woman who is 18-21 NOW in her life be remotely interested in a fiftyish man who says he is looking to get married and have children? Usual root causes are unhappy, unstable home life or unresolved Daddy issues due to her own absent and/or deadbeat and/or unloving father.
"I'm starting to set my belief in concrete that most men that I meet regardless of age or race are only after ONE thing...maybe two things, but it's usually sex..."
When you're only meeting men in bars, that's likely the case. When you're only meeting much older men in bars, that's ALWAYS the case. But the guys you're meeting aren't representative of most men.
"I'm sick and tired of being seen as just someone to have sex with, I'm tired of hearing men tell me how great of a woman I am, but I'm not great enough to be looked upon as a long term partner, I'm tired of men telling me how beautiful and young I am as if that is all to me...."
Then stop hanging out in bars with older men. And if you are falling for lines and falling into bed with these losers, then STOP HAVING SEX WITH THEM. Go places and do things that attract guys your age who share your outlook. Take a class, join a group or club devoted to an interest of yours, find a hobby you can pursue with others.
"do you know that this year alone, I have met at least FIVE men and none of them wanted me for nothing more than sex or 'companionship.' And these weren't men in their 20's, one was in his early 30's and the other ones were in their early to late 40's."
As a guy in his late 50's, that's no surprise. Older guys who approach younger women are ALWAYS looking for sex, and it is strictly to benefit their own egos. They want the world to know that they're still handsome and virile and studly and can still get it up, and the best way to get their egos (and dicks) stroked is by buying the affections of young beautiful women who will fawn over them and tell them what they want to hear and provide sexual favors in exchange for a life of luxury.
The lines that the 47-year-old are giving you are pure BS, even by usual middle-age Lothario standards; he's telling you he wants a wife while simultaneously using the prenup threat to scare you off from the idea of marriage. Basically he's saying he wants you to give him sex but he doesn't want to give you money and expensive gifts in return, the standard trade-off and the ONLY reason why any young beautiful gold-digger would give a loser like him the time of day, and you are not a gold-digger.
As the song goes, seems like you've been looking for love in all the wrong places (and probably for all the wrong reasons), and as long as youn keep hanging out where you've been hanging out, you'll continue to attract the same over-the-hill losers.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2012): First of all, let me ask you, what are you doing hanging out with 40 something year old men at your age? You ll have plenty of that when you are in your 40s.
You are very young, and they see you as this beatifull young thing thatbthey cant possibly have anything in common because of age difference.
Men will be men, they will have sex with you why not, but will keep on looking for someone more age appropriate for serious relationship.
That 47 old man sounds like he had quite a bit of women, saw all versions Of how it can be, and became a middle aged man with hardened heart, with little trust in women in general. I don't know how it is in your country, but in US when people divorce men supports his wife if she doesn't have much income for the rest of her life, even if they didn't have any kids.
Even if they married very young and only lived together for a couple years.
For the rest of the life he pays for her expences. And she gets half of everything. That's why your guy is so cautious with prenuptial. I don't blame him. If he worked hard all his life to have what he has, and then he meets a woman, they live few years together, and then if doesn't work out, she takes half of it. I think it's smart to protect yourself from this turn of events.
But my opinion is that you need to date guys around your age while you can now. When you are 30 and over, the 20 years olds will be gone, so enjoy them while you can. And may be they are the ones who would think that you are a serious dating material. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 September 2012):
 well I know a guy who is getting married Saturday. He's 52 and it's his first... he just never met the right woman.
In 4 weeks my fiance is getting married. He's 39 and he's never been married... thankfully he does NOT want children...
so yeah it happens that men later in life meet the right one and want to marry....
if this guy is handing you the "I'll still respect you in the morning line" and you are 20 something and he's 47... RUN honey... RUN RUN RUN...
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