A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm in a situation and I don't know what to do. I'm going out with my boyfriend nearly 3 years and we moved in together last September, things have got pretty bad since we moved in together. I'm just not happy anymore and I don't think he is either yet I don't know what to do about this. I don't think he wants to break up and I'm not sure if I do. I actually don't like living with him most of the time. He has a bit of a temper and to be honest anything I do for him he's never satisfied he always has to complain.We had a great weekend but then we had a stupid fight over nothing last night, he slept on the couch and he went away to work this morning he came into the room and gave me a rough kiss on the cheek to say goodbye.We are going on holiday next week and to be honest im not really looking forward to it.Is this relationship over or can we fix it? I don't even know if I want to fix it. He is very hard to talk to about these issues, he is a very angry person and not very rational. He is a nice guy but for someone reason lately we have become distructive as a couple and it just doesn't seem to be working. When he left this morning at 5am I text him to say i needed a break this week and that I didn't want him contacting me that we both need to see where this relationship is going... I got nothing back...Is this relationship over or can it be saved?
View related questions:
a break, moved in, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Is your relationship over or can you fix it? Your bf is lashing out, by the sounds of it. He has a temper...he always complains, as you say. He might need to face the underlying vulnerability of himself, that is the basis for his anger and irrationality. Does he feel unimportant or underpowered here or is he the opposite--controlling and overpowering, causing you to feel unimportant? I mean... you state he is a nice guy. Nice guys just don't turn like this so there is a problem and as a result, you both are experiencing a lot of unproductive conflicts arguing and hurt, I am wondering if the fights and his anger is really because your bf is already feeling pain in this relationship and he doesn't know why and he doesn't know how to resolve it.
If you really love this guy and you know he loves you, you can try everything to salvage this before walking away. But he has to be with you on this. There are a ton of resources out there like counseling, seminars, books, support groups, etc. But, please realize that you have to 'like' your bf as much as you love him. And sometimes, hun, if you aren't liking him very much...'love' just isn't enough to overcome relationship problems. This may be an incompatibility problem, that didn't surface, in it's entirety, until you both began living together. So can this be saved? We don't know. Possibly with calm, rationality and mature communication, it could be and if you both put in the efforts. I believe that you should do what you both can to heal this relationship first, before deciding to leave. But you can't do this alone. He has to help you. If not, then don't put off the decision anymore...it might just be time to say goodbye.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (6 May 2008):
 Hi!
This is so weird because my son and his girlfriend are in exactly the same situation, even down to the fact they have just been on holiday together. I joined them on part of it and they seemed fine but told me they were going to split up. They did tell me before they went away, that they probably would split, but I thought the holiday would change thier minds. My sons girlfriend is absolutely lovely and all the family love her, but my son says he was to young to have settled down and feels all they do is argue. They met when they were 17 and have been together for 4 years.
Its such a shame to see both of them upset, and they have tried very hard to make things work, but in the end they still argue.
I think you get into a habit of argueing, and it then becomes normal. Its hard to break away, because although you might love a person, doesnt always mean that you can live with them.
I have told my son and his girl to have a break and see how they feel. I am confidant that my son will never find a girl quite the same, and if he or she finds someone else in the meantime then it wasnt meant to be.
Sometimes you need a break to realise what you have.
...............................
|
