A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Is it okay to string one girl along if it is the only way for me to be with my true love?This is the longer version for those willing to read: While attending the birthday party of my best friend's little brother, I met a two girls whom allerted me immediatly, but seperately that they had fallen in love with me the moment they met me (extremely corny...i know, but they meant it). I am 16. The oldest of the two girls is 14. The younger is 9! These girls are best friends. I have begun dating the older girl in order to get closer to the younger girl, who's love I returned upon her allert. We are without doubt in love. This is not infatuation, lust, obsession, or intentional pedofiliation. I have never felt anything towards children in my life, and I hate pedophiles with all my heart. It is simple, innocent, and unconditional love (which we share beyond doubt). I have explained to her the way the world works, that we would not be accepted in society, and that, in preservation of her innocence, we would not engage in acts remotely sexual until she was eighteen (with the exclusion of kissing). She explained that as long as she was with me, she didn't care. I really care about the older girl, but I do not love her, and to be with the one I love, I must keep stringing the older girl along. Is there a way I could set things right and be with my love?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Knock knock...answer your door. You'd better hope it's the cops and not the outraged father of a nine year old daughter, you'll get treated far better. What hell are you thinking?
A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Erm, well.. for once, this is the only problem im actually stuck for words on. I dont know what to explain first:YOU ARE 16! SHE IS A 9 YEAR OLD CHILD FOR GOD SAKE! She was in nappies when you were 7 years old! HELLO WAKE UP! You cant seriously LOVE a 9 year old girl? She not even anywhere near her teens yet. By the time she is 13 you will be 20! oh my gawd! And the 14 year old, thats cruel and completely out of order! You are basically testing two friends of their loyalty to each other, this 9 year old, doesnt seem to realise that when you break up with her best friend, how it will really hurt her. Of course she wouldnt understand because shes only a little girl! And when you be with the 'love of your life' what the HELL will her best friend say? Its unfair to them two. You need to get your act together and look at the situation carefully and consider what it is you are actually planning here. And like YummyMummy said, what the hell will her PARENTS say?! You could be classed as a peodofile here. And also like YummyMummy said, wait till she is your age, and see if you do still love her.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (2 July 2007):
 I would avoid doing ANYTHING with the 9 year old. That's just like...... well the 14 year old under age so what does that make a 9 year old???? And why have you fallen for a child? She will not have a clue what love is. A 16 year old lad may know what love is but you can't tell me you love this girl as with love comes feeling of attraction part of which is sexual attraction. And that's just gross dude! I'm sorry but I'm being honest. That would be like me saying I "love" a 14 year old lad!!!!!! Hell no!
STOP using the 14 year old and grow up. Stay away from the 9 year old as I doubt her parents will be in any way happy about you and their daughter!
You've thought of kissing a 9 year old? Mate how would you feel if you had a 9 year old sister that a 16 year old lad was thinking of kissing. I'm sorry but I'd be decking you.
There is no MUST in stringing this other girl along AT ALL! I'm sure she would completely disagree with you. Start hanging out with girls your own age and stop treating the younger ones like dirt!
I don't think there is anyway you can be with the 9 year old until she is your age or even possibly 18. I know some adults have big age gaps but mate you are saying you love a "CHILD". I would wait for the 9 year old to come of age and see if you still "love" her then.
I'm sorry if this post seems harsh but it's me being truthful!!!!!
xxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (2 July 2007):
 I don't mean to be rude but wake up darling this girl is 9 she has no idea of love apart from the love she feels for her family, and you even if you have no intentions of anything sexual should not even be entertaining the thought of dating her as you are nearly an adult.
You need to finish things with the other girl, because you are being extremly cruel to her dating her just to get at the other girl.
Beleieve me this would been seen by most people with any morals as being totally wrong.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (2 July 2007):
 You are 16, she is nine. If you love her you will leave her alone until she is your age or more, to give her a chance to develop properly. She cannot return your love at the right emotional level. But do not string along the older one. If she loves you, or thinks she does, then it will break her heart to lose you. Leave them both alone. If anything is meant to happen between you and the girl you 'love' then waiting a few years can only help it. xxx
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A
female
reader, hugs2muchgal +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Ok, first off I am going to try and not judge, but how could a 16 year old MAN (because yes, at 16 you are considered a legal adult)fall instantly and madly in love with a child?
Because yes, the person you love is a child. Although your age gap--7 years-- is acceptable in society, it would not be now.
No nine year old knows what love truly is. I doubt most people truly know love until late teens and onwards though some people are lucky enough to find it earlier.
At 9, a woman has not even reached puberty. I remember when I was 9 that I had puppy love and thought I could get married soon. Well, I was wrong. I'm not trying to ruin what you believe to be true( that you love a child and she loves you back) I'm just trying to make you listen.
I'm glad you are mature enough to not make her do anything sexual for you, but I don't think you should kiss her either. She is a child and should not be kissing anyone out of her family. You want to save her innocence, well, kissing would take that away as well.
If you love her, don't be with her. Let her enjoy her childhood and if when she reaches her teens, stills wants to be with you, I say pursue it. If you ever were caught with her, her life would be ruined and you'd be in huge trouble, accussed of pedophilia despite the fact that the relationship was mostly non sexual.
Also, you have to stop dating her friend. You are hurting yourself, her, and her future friendship with the 9 year old. You should tell her the truth no matter how hard it is to do so. Or if you don't want to tell, have the 9 year old tell and back off so they can salvage a friendship.
I'm sorry for being harsh but as a 16 year old myself I cannot see how one could fall for a child, you should try and have space and really see if this is love.
Give it time, and give it a rest and if it is meant to be, try again in a few years. Afterall, if you truly love this girl and want to be with her for your whole life, a few years to let her grow and mature should be nothing.
take care and email me if you wish to discuss this more.
Hugs+
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