A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Silence, between good friends, family, aquaintances, at work, partner its ok sometimes. You can sit and enjoy where you are not feel the pressure to always talk, is that OK? is it ok to sit and not talk sometimes? Is it weird not to always talk when you are with ppl? how to achieve the balance of talk and not talking?Whats the difference between awkward, uncomfortable silence, and the silence where ppl feel oK,and not pressured to always chat? how do you know which is which? thanks for genuine answers..
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 I was not intending to offend when I asked the question. We do have people posting here who have Aspergers or other syndromes which may affect their social interactions; I just wanted to know how to address the question.
I think sitting in silence is a very calming and wonderful way to spend time with someone. It can feel awkward if you don't know the other person very well and have that voice going in your head that is telling you that you need to engage in chitchat or risk looking weird.
I think it's more than ok to sit and just be present with the other person, it's refreshing. It's not weird.
I think our own inner critic/voice/nag tries to 'help' us not be considered socially awkward and insists we must be extroverted and chatty all the time. If you feel a silence drags on too long and are worried, just say something like, 'I like that we can just sit and visit without having to talk the whole time. I find your presence _________ [comforting/pleasant/refreshing/calming/whatever you feel].'
Enjoy your friends!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): And yes its ok to be silent around people sometimes but when you agree or have something to say about what they are talking about its always better to speak up that way they will know you are interested in their conversation or else they will feel ackward since you aren't saying anything back
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): I like you am the same aswell; I tend to be silent and not conversate so much . I mostly stay quite when im around people who im comfortable with because they know im quiet and they tend to do the talking. You shouldn't feel awkward if its silent between friends and if you do feel awkward start a conversation and you'll notice whether they want to talk or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): This is the posterNo, I dont have any syndromes or disabilites!! I am a just a quieter at times person, I do have a few friends and I work in healthcare, Im quieter at work but I try hard to be nice and polite to ppl, and I can make small talk almost as good as anyone, if not better at times. I am able to do my job OK. I am of average intelligence and NOT retarded!! Im just quieter, as many ppl in this world are of all ages and careers and intelligences. Am just wondering as I see ppl react to silence in different ways, and from a quieter persons perspective silence at times,in conversation may be seen as being "weird" or not knowing what to say buy those more outgoing.. but theres a time and place for silence with ppl in general? thats my question. I do know how to have a conversation!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2012):
Just a quick question for you, as your age bracket say you are in your 30s, do you have any syndromes, conditions, anything that might affect your social interactions?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2012):
I see you answered and have more questions, I will try to answer as best I can tomorrow! Send me a reminder if I don't get to it fast enough.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): this is the poster
I ean I am NOT naturally outgoing..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): this is the poster
thanks for answer, how do you know when ppl are uncomfortable? whether its aquaintances, family friends work colleagues etc, do ppl get nervous, look around the room? stare at the wall, play with their iphone.. or what happens,? should you idly chatter and risk annoying them..or just relax and dont stress? its difficult.! what if silence is seen as being socially awkward? its fine balance at times between too much and not enough talk.. esp if you like conversation but are not naturally outgoing, like me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 March 2012):
I know what you mean. I just kind of check in with the other person to see if they are comfortable with the silence. There can be something very soothing about sitting in silence with a friend. If it gets to feeling weird, just ask, hey, you alright? I'm enjoying just being in the moment with you.... or something like that.
It's trickier when it's just an acquaintance as you don't have the shared history or tacit agreement that it's fine to be silent.
I think most of us worry more about this kind of interaction than is really necessary. I think if you take the position that most people wish you well and and are with you because they WANT to be with you, you'll be in good shape.
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