A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Ok my girlfriend has a female friend, but this friend hates me for no reason and gets "bad vibes" from me. This friend has tried to break our relationship many times and spreads horrible rumours about me even though I've never been mean to her. The friend is very toxic and I see her as a threat to the relationship. Is it controlling to make her pick between me and her friend? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2016):
 I would NOT tell her "it's me or her". I would however tell her, I really like you, I really want to be with you, but it's not working for me because of your friend "Whateverhernameis" and then lay out WHAT that friend did. Lay it out neatly, without too much emotion, just point out the examples.
If she starts to argue you on those, she doesn't think her friend is doing anything "wrong". If she agrees with you, you ask her what should be the next step.
I would also ASK her... HOW she would feel if the roles were reversed. What IF... it was one of YOUR friends who did all this drama to HER? What would she expect from you? What would she want YOU to do?
Personally, I wouldn't want to get in between friends, even if one of them were a sucky manipulative drama queen. Why? Because nothing good comes from trying to tell people WHO they can be friends with and HOW they should act.
So maybe... YOUR GF is just not for you. But have a chat first, see what happens.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2016): Her friend is jealous and used to having your girlfriend all to herself. She doesn't have a boyfriend; so she spends a lot of her time competing for her attention from you. You're a threat to her, and you constantly remind her that she doesn't have a boyfriend of her own.
You need to explain to your girlfriend that you don't want to compete with her friend, and she makes you feel uncomfortable. Explain to her that if her friend is going to be mean and try to break you up; you'll save her the trouble, and just move on.
It's up to your girlfriend to make sure you are treated well and respected by her friends. If she doesn't step up to save her relationship; then you'll have to man-up and step off.
Let her realize she doesn't have to make a choice. You can do that for her.
She has to learn to keep her friends out of her business. If she's listening to the rumors and lies, she doesn't trust you. That means you're wasting your time with her anyway. She may be using her friend to spy on you; but you didn't say whether your girlfriend believes the things her friend says. She's only 17 and may not know how to handle her friend. You're her guy. It shouldn't be too hard to tell a friend who might make you lose your boyfriend, to mind her own business.
Dump her when you've had enough of the drama. You shouldn't try to come between them if they're that tight. She has to lose something to know the value of it, and see the trouble her friend is causing her. If she's letting her friend run her relationship, it's because she's too immature to do so herself.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (21 February 2016):
Yeah, it's controlling. The best you can do is break off the relationship and she can make her decision from there.
The funny thing about ultimatums is, the first one is rarely the last one.
Good on you for asking.
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