A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This might be a strange question. I'm wondering if it's ok to let the guy do most of the work when you're in a relationship...setting up dates, calling you, etc.I've been with my BF for about 7 months. In the beginning I felt that the asking out, planning dates and calling me was naturally his job as he was the guy.Now we're in a stable relationship and he's not 'chasing' me anymore but he still does all of this...he always calls me first, he asks me when I'm free to go out, he makes the plans and so on. I don't mind at all and he's not complaining either. He of course asks me what I'd like to do and we make the decisions together...it's just that he initiates things.I just want to know whether the initiating is something that's better left to him? Although I think we both need a say in things, I'm afraid that if I start initiating he will stop and then it will be up to me to chase him and run the relationship, and I don't want that. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, It-Jay  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 It's natural for a guy to do all you've mentioned except initiating calls always. He might think you're not having much interest in him. So, give him calls when ever you want and you'll lose nothing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Well its kinda like a guy saying that washing, cooking and cleaning is naturally a womans job. Some women may be fine with it, some women may not really care and others may think thats a feminist stereotype and demand an equal share of these chores.Same with what you're saying about it naturally being a guys job to do all the planning, initiate all phone calls etc. Some guys may like it, some may not care, others may hate it. It really depends on the guy and how his family dynamic was during his upbringing. Sounds great that you both are happy with this arrangement. I can't see him suddenly changing if you initiate things sometimes, given that he's been doing it for the last 7 months. Just an idea... try booking a restaurant table (or whatever date) and doing all the initiating/planning for one night. Maybe tell him you appreciate the things he does and tonight you thought you'd give him a special treat. Meh, just a thought... Refreshing to see a question without a real problem :)Best of luck
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 No one should "run" the relationship. It's not a business that needs to be run and owned by someone. Of course you can initiate things. Dates, catch ups, sex, whatever. It takes two to make a relationship work, it's not just up to one person to organise things and initiate things. Traditionally, men were the ones who did the chasing and did the asking out and picking up the tab on dates etc., but now that's kind of outdated and it's acceptable for the woman to do all of that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): Communication in a relationship is key to its survival. Is it okay to let him do all the work? Yes it is, so long that it doesn't overwhelm him and start interfering with things like school or work. Since it doesn't necessarily bother you then, it is up to you to decide whether to mention it to him or not. However, if you would like to be the one to initiates things every once in a while just talk to him about it, tell him that maybe every once in while you would like to plan and/or ask him out on a date. One thing you have to be sure to do is tell him what your afraid of and also listen to any concerns he has. A couple of ideas, if you do mention it to him, could be that you switch off planing the dates, one of you could pick what your going to do and the other could pick where, or at the end of the date you flip a coin to decides who plans the next. So in the end it comes down to communication and whether or not you choose to mention it to him or not.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (8 April 2010):
If you're in a relationship and it's been 7-months, then yes, it's okay to initiate things some of the time.
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