A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this sounds ridiculously stupid and the answer is obviously "YES!" But, how do you guys feel about it? And what can I do to stop it.My boyfriend's ex-sex partners keep texting him. These girls are from, like, last year, and he keeps saying how he doesn't want anything to do with them, sexually, physically, or anything, but they keep texting him. I understand that these girls used to be really good friends with him at one point, but the line is drawn when they became friends with benefits.Ok, well, actually, I don't know why I made this plural, it's actually only one girl. And I want him to stop talking to her. Like, he told me first off that he hates her, he wants nothing to do with her because she's a terrible person. NOW, he says that she's pretty cool, and he's willingly talking to her.But, I told him before that I wasn't comfortable with him talking to her, and he stopped. But now she's back. And whenever I say, "Hey, stop talking to her." he gets defensive and says how I never let him talk to girls. But this girl is jealous of me. She hates me because I'm dating him, and not to mention, she was the same girl that CONVINCED him to get over his last ex.What can I do or say to calmly and rationally get him to stop?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2013): Give him an ultimatum. Is he with you or is he sneaking around with her? Because that's what it looks like. She's up to no good and she's using this "friendship" as a front to screw things up for the two of you. Unless he had children with her that they now share joint custody with, an ex has no place in a man's future. He has to cut the tie!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 The only way you can "stop it"... is to sit "boyfriend" down and say to him.... "Hunchy-buncy, I see that you have phone calls from your "ex".... and it makes me wonder if she really IS an "ex".... or just a girl who has stopped putting out for you for the time being..... If that is her's and your status... then you are wasting your time with me.... because I am entitled to a "boyfriend" who comes to me WITHOUT caveats.... with a clear title.... and who DOESN'T take calls from his "ex." Is that perfectly clear?"
IF he thinks that it IS "perfectly clear"... AND he is going to discontinue taking calls from that "ex-" then perhaps you and he can continue to see one-another.
IF he sez that he MUST take calls/contacts from his ex-.... THEN, you know that SHE has the inside track on you... and that it is time to DUMP "boyfriend" because his loyalty isn't really sufficient for you (or any other level-headed girl who wants to make time with him)....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 September 2013):
 Actually to me the answer to “is it ok to be jealous of an ex?” is not YES… but WHO CARES about an ex?
IF the man you are with treats you properly and is properly over his last relationship then an ex is not an issue at all. The fact that in your current relationship there are issues with ex partner(s) then you have to consider that it’s not a good relationship.
Why do you think she KEEPS texting him? BECAUSE HE KEEPS answering her.
The whole thing about FWB is they are FRIENDS just because they stop sleeping together does not mean they aren’t friends any more right?
And why do you care if SHE is jealous of you or if she hates you? Why does what she thinks even matter to you?
THERE is nothing you can say to make him stop but there is something you can DO to get him to stop… you can end the relationship. IF he chooses you over her he’ll be back.. if he won’t give her up well then he wasn’t worth having in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 September 2013):
 OP, basing your happiness on what someone else might, will or should do is a recipe for misery. You can only control what YOU do.
And what you can do is set limits for yourself. Decide what is and isn't good for you and what you will and won't live with. If his ongoing friendship with a former lover who also happens to be an enemy of yours is not good for your well being then YOU walk away. Don't wait for him to do the right thing. Clearly you'll be waiting a long time.
It's not enough to do what is right. We must be seen to be doing what is right. Decent, trustworthy people do not behave suspiciously and expect others to rely solely on faith that they aren't up to no good.
Your boyfriend has decided the attention he gets from a female admirer is as important, or more so, than whatever he has with you. That speaks volumes about him, and about you if you choose to stay with him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 September 2013):
 Look, if your dating a sleazeball who likes to have fuck buddies lined up in a row for him and then blames YOU for it (saying you never let him talk to women), then you kinda get what you ask for. If he's being a douche-bag then end the relationship. You can't make him change, you can't force him to stop talking to her, and you have no right to tell him who he can or can't talk to. You are, however, entitled to LEAVE if you don't like the situation. If he was a lovely boyfriend, and a lovely man, with all good senses and all the things you want in a man, you wouldn't be on here asking us what do to about this, because he wouldn't be texting/talking to a "former" sex buddy who is trying to squeeze herself in between you and break you up. If he was decent by any form he'd not do this. So, he's doing it, and what do you expect us to tell you? Here is a magic spell that you can say that turns a two-timer into a committed boyfriend? Sorry, I don't know that spell.However, if you are dead set on keeping this man, for whatever reasons, then here is what you do. Tell him point blank that since she is an ex-fuck buddy she has no place in your current relationship. If he wants to be friends with her that is perfectly fine, and you trust him to show good judgment when it comes to her, and trust him to respect your relationship. Tell him you know he will do the right thing, and that you trust that he cares about you. Then drop it. Don't mention it again. If he talks to her, leave the room. If he texts her, leave the room. When he asks why (if he even notices) just tell him that you're just so in love with him that you can't avoid picturing him and her having sex together like they used to, because they were fuck buddies before. And because of your love for him, she will always be a threat, hence why you choose to leave so that you wont get those mental images. But again, tell him you love him and trust his judgment and that you want him to have friends and you realize it's all your problem, not his. Smile.It's called manipulating someone to make them feel guilty. If he actually does care about you he'll stop talking to her rather quickly, to make him feel like the protector of your fragile feelings. But it must never be forced, you must at all times play innocent, naive, and trusting. Never attack him, never accuse him, always just be the "little woman" who stands by his side and supports him in all his decisions. But if you don't care for mind games and would rather have a real relationship built on honesty, I suggest you drop this boyfriend of yours and find yourself a committed man who doesn't have such a fragile ego he needs to stay in touch with past fuck buddies to feel good about himself.
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