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male
,
anonymous
writes: Hello. I have a problem and it's kiling me. I first started going out with this girl when we were only 11. We were soon snogging like we were much older. C,mon when you're 11 a full on snog in school is pretty wild. We lasted about a year and broke up. Years later I relised I was still in love with this wild child and started dating her again and we fell deeply in love. However they say love is blind and I have realised now that she is not wild or care free at all. She has no vices what so ever and is a total goody two shoes. This means that the girl I fell in love with does not exist as I thought she did. I really did'nt think she would grow up to be a daddy's girl but she has. Is it not my right to try to change her and make her more exiting nor does she deserve a broken heart just for being the way she is. Is my only option to get used to it and sacrifice any chance of finding a woman who can enjoy herself and find pleasure in the same things I do? It feels like i'm missing out on life. And no the problem is not sex related. Any help would be greatly appriciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Little_Laura +, writes (8 July 2006):
 Do not try to change her. If you are truly in love with her you should love her as she is. However, you could be in love with her and also seek excitement - that's ok. just suggest things to her that you might like to do (so long as you don't break any laws). See if you can find things you both enjoy doing, take time to find out what you have in common - if there's love, there's chance that this can work but you have to accept each other.
I hope this helps
xxx
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (3 July 2006):
 No, you most assuredly do NOT have any "right" to change her into anything. You take the whole package, as is, or you walk away. You fell in love with the girl you *thought* she was. Now you know she's not that girl, so you don't really love _her_ do you?
The adult response is to accept that you were only a child when you met, and to realise that you've grown into two very different adults, with nothing more in common. Walk away and find someone who already meets your needs, without leaving you feeling wanting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): you can't change a person you can only tell them and try to show them the way at the end of the day they habe to learn to change them selves and to learn to do it by themselves without any help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): So you love her, but don't really like her? Maybe you fell in love with the idea of her, rather than actually her herself. For all you know she could feel the same way. What would you say to her if she asked you to become a bit more goody-two-shoes-ish? i don't think you'd change, would you? it might break her heart now, but it would have to happen sometime. Face it, if you don't like her, it could mean that its over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2006): You come across as being very inexperienced at relationships I suggest if this girl is not who you want to be with, then don't be with her.
There are plenty more girls out there, more like you.
Perhaps then she too can find someone who loves her for who she is.
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