A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it wrong to still feel bitter about a relationship seven years later? This girl I really liked dumped me on prom. I went nuts on her after. THings never worked out. Fast forward to today. I'm 24. I'm angry and bitter because I haven't found anyone. I always think to myself (man I wish God screws her over in life...like get a bad disease). Are these feelings wrong to have? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 March 2011):
 How did you "go nuts on her"??
You must realize that you are in prison. Your bitter feelings and your inability for your ego to let go of what happened to you are hurting you far worse than she could get hurt.
You really want to get back at her? Let the issue go. At 16-18, people are immature. She was immature for dropping you at prom. You were immature for going nuts on her afterwards, and your maturity is still stumped 7 years later by still dwelling on that fact.
Right now, by staying as you are, you're letting her win. You're locking yourself up in this hate prison, and by now, you may not know how to get out. When someone holds onto grudges and bitterness that long, it becomes engrained into the very fabric of their personality. If you suddenly stopped having those hurt, bitter feelings, it would feel like a void. You have to fill that void with things a lot more positive and constructive than this.
Do you really want to waste your life wishing that God screws her over? You're screwing yourself over the best healing and love you could get. There could be so many girls out there waiting to fall in love with you, yet your anger and bitterness puts you at risk for hurting them.
You have to let it go. Fight for yourself. Fight for your own right to love and be loved. She is nothing - dirt on your shoe, and the day that the thought of her fails to raise your temper or blood pressure one iota is the day you finally win. When you break free, there lies your ultimate vengeance. Her bad character will stay with her always.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 March 2011):
 Life sometimes doesn't go your way. When you like someone it doesn't give you entitlement to be liked back. You can't just blame your life problems on her. if she really got a bad disease, then what? Would that make you happy? Would she realize she made a mistake by dumping you? I bet she forgot who you were and maybe if she saw you again she wouldn't even recognize you. There are various reasons why people dump people and you can't just take it all personally. Maybe she already had one guy set in mind before you. People would break your heart in life and you will break some girl's heart too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Yes they are wrong and it's pretty good you are asking yourself these questions.
The next step could be to think about how to focus on doing positive things for yourself, I suspect that you are focusing on something from 7 years ago, because you have not anything much else to focus on.
Start a hobby even if you are not sure if you will like it, do it any way. It is not good to be in a relationship when you can't think good things about yourself and others, it is not fair on the other person.
Try and do many new activities and keep your concentration on these and each time you think a bad thought about being bitter that you are 'alone' remember all the good things that you have in your life.
Once you have successfully created a good foundation for yourself of good thoughts and regular activities (this could take 4 months to a year depending on how you go).
The it would be a great time to look at relationships and what good qualities you have to offer.
You will have mant qualities, but I feel strongly if you were to jump into a relationship now, without doing the suggestions actions above - that you would only repeat feelings that the 17 year old you had all though years ago.
So what I am suggesting is something that will permanently break your pattern that's emdedded within and break all feelings of resentment and stop the bad thoughts.
Good luck hope you take this good advice:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): Are these feeling wrong? No, not really, although they are not good to have. What you need to do is find a stronger sense of self. If you were dumped, but felt good about yourself and who you are as a person, you would recover and become strong, or even stronger.
I was dumped about the same time in my life as you. I was going with a girl for 3 years and we were in love. Then one day she dumped me for a bunch of friends and eventually a guy. I was in severe agony for over 6 months and still had pangs after a year. But I got sick of the hurt. It actually became boring and monotonous. I found new interests, a new GF, and life slowly improved until it was fabulous again.
You need to find a sense of yourself. Build a stronger you, not a desire for a weaker her.
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (4 March 2011):
Those feelings are wrong because you should not desire something bad to happen to her just because she broke up with you
Instead of focusing on her start looking for someone else. It has been SEVEN YEARS man. You can start fresh with someone else, that was just a teenage relationship!
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