A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:up until last week i was a virgin. Im 18 and wanted it to be with someone special and it wasn't, i lost my virginty on a 1 night stand. I regret it so much but i know theirs nothing i can do.But now i am obsessed with the guy i lost it to, i cant stop thinking about him and wishing i could have sex with him again. is this normal? i live in a city and i thought i would never see him again but i have and he said hi and gave me a hug and it wasn't awkward at all as he doesnt know that was my first time. He is very good looking but i can kind of tell he is an idiot, so i know to him it was a one night stand.It just makes me sad that he doesnt even care about me and im so obsessed and i just want to know that its not just me that becomes obsessive. Is this normal?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): I lost my virginity to a one night stand five years a go. It wasn't planned. I was just an curious idiot. I can tell you that it is ok to regret it but don't let this define who you are. It was one night, one choice. It hasn't ruined your life. Everyone says the first is the most important but it is not. Lots of people have screwed up first times and have big regrets even with people they "love". What you should focus on is using this experience as a lesson not to rush things in the future. You just take your time next time. Get to know the guy. Feel connected. Believe yourself worthy of more than one encounter. Be worthy of being loved. Worthy of more than an "idiot".What helped me was to realise i can't change the past. I have to just accept that is what it is. I also took time to analyse why i think i made that choice at that time. Not to lay blame or make excuses but to understand myself better so i don't feel victim again to my own stupidity. I was curious, low in confidence, depressed and i thought life was leaving me behind so i took a risk to feel alive. Know also that our experiences are more common than we think. We are not alone in our regrets. I was not the first and you are not the last. Just be careful who you tell, sadly people do judge xAlso normal to want to experience sex again. See if its any different than the first time. My first time hurt like hell. My second time was quite enjoyable.For women, sex and emotions do often get mixed.Don't worry about obsessing - you and this guy shared a big moment in your life. If you were devoid of feeling or thoughts on him then i'd seriously worry about you.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 you cant stop thinking about him, and wishing you were with him. i would say that is normal because you gave the most intimate part of yourself to him, and you gave your heart to him. the thing is you made a mistake giving yourself to him, and realize, and regret it. you cant go back and undo, but you can go forward from here.
more than likely he is the type of guy that looks for girls for one night stands. the type of guy to use a girl and dump them. they are the type to tell you what you want to hear, to get what they want.
the main thing is to learn from this event in your life and go forward. watch for guys like this type. look at a guy for more than just looks. look at his character , how he acts, treats others. watch for a guy that is self centered, thinks of his self all the time, and is pushy for sex.
i am sorry this happened to you , and hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, HeresBoo  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 To a certain extent, yes it is normal to form a big crush on the person you lost your virginity to. Yu thought it would be with someone special so maybe your brain is using a crush on him as a coping mechanism? He wasn't special enough so you're making him special.
It can also be blinding. If you think he isn't actually someone you would want to be with, don't pursue him or you will find yourself constantly pushing to stay with him because he was your first - you do not want this! I've struggled with this and it's painful! Better to move on if he isn't what you want/deserve (I.e. an idiot).
I am also currently in a relationship and my partner took his previous girlfriend's virginity and she checks in every few months keeping in touch and touching base with him but I understand that that's because he is very special to her as he took her V's.
Totally normal and nothing to worry about, just don't let your crush turn into something you don't want in the future :)
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