A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if it is normal to not enjoy sex for the first 10 times after breaking the virginity? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (3 August 2008):
Sexual enjoyment includes mental and emotional elements as well as the physical. Even as an "old married person" it's a rare instance when all three elements are near their highest level in the same lovemaking session.
Although I suspect you're mostly referring to the physical (primarily concerned with orgasm) element, can you confirm this and give a little more detail about what isn't enjoyable for you?
A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 It's normal for me honey, I've had sex 6 times with my long term partner after recently loosing my virginity to him. The first 4 times hurt, and its only just starting to not hurt. However, its not physically a turn on which is quite dissapointing after expecting it to feel awesome.
Message me if you wanna chat :)
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (28 July 2008):
 That's the real question. If the man (or men) you have been with has not been skillful and has not been very particularly concerned with working hard at making sure that you had a good and satisfying experience, then it is not at all unusual for sex to be unfulfilling.
Unfortunately, there are all too many immature men running around this world who think sex is all about their own enjoyment, and who give precious little thought to their partner. The phrase "ladies first" just isn't in their vocabulary. Put bluntly, you are entitled to your fulfillment every bit as much as he is to his, and because of the way things work mechanically it is proper that you should get yours BEFORE he gets his. If you're with a guy who doesn't understand this and won't learn this, he frankly isn't worth keeping. He needs to be taught a very pointed lesson in sexual manners, and the best way you can do that is to kick him out of your bed right now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): It's perfectly understandable. Inserting a penis into a vagina and wiggling around a bit does not lead to instant ecstasy. I'm assuming from your question that you're talking about intercourse and that you general enjoy masturbation and fondling your partner.
Being comfortable and relaxed goes a long way in exploring your sexuality. If you so choose, sticking with one partner to explore your sexuality together makes a tremendous difference as you open yourself up more to your pleasure being in someone else's hands. Experienced lovers do help but it's more important to grow completely and absolutely comfortable with whoever your lover may be so you can relax and enjoy. It takes time and only gets better.
Quick suggestions:
(1) Buy the simplest generic lubricant you can find (NB It's best to err on the side of caution as your labia may be too sensitive for anything fancier). Lubricate the area generously before intercourse. This will make a big difference towards enjoying sex. Shy? Just tell them you don't lubricate easily and it feels much better for both of you this way. Remember to reapply it often if you're at it for a long time. Your body will not call for more as it evaporates but when you do put more you will feel a huge difference once again. (P.S. warm it up in your hands first)
(2) Buy intimate pleasure oils. Expensive, very simple to use and effective. Before you begin, massage the oil into your labia your clitoris (pull back the hood if it's not too much for you). Blood will rush to the area, engorge your labia and make it very tingly. It will be much easier to have an orgasm during intercourse. IMPORTANT: If you try this, use a NON-LATEX condom. These are more expensive, do not stretch and a little harder to get on. Consequently you may want to save this extra preparation for when you are more comfortable with your partner.
(3) Talk to your partner a lot. This means two things. First tell them what hurts and what feels good. Second MOAN and express yourself when it feels good. Pant into his ear. Tell him that you're feeling hot or sexy. Make as much noise as possible so that he too will feel comfortable doing so as well if he is not already. This basic expression makes an incredible difference in reeving up your arousal even if you feel silly at first.
In my personal experience, I don't remember staying hard for my first 10 times. I just wasn't comfortable with my new partners. I wasn't relax and I even if I thought I really was, I was not aroused. Plus it takes some time to master safe sex.
There are plenty of books and resources but practice is a lot more fun!
Take care.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Yes, until you find a man who, sexually, really knows what he is doing.
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