A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,i have been with my bf for 5 years now and I'm 27.I do love him very much i think hes attractive and we get on really well and he treats me good what more could i want! But i feel like theres something missing, i don't feel that urge to have sex with him anymore and the spark that was there before.I have sex with him regulary and he doesnt repulse me or anything but i feel like i'm always wanting more and i keep thinking about having sex with other people (but i would NEVER do that to him i respect him too much).He says probably more attracted to me as time goes on but why don't i feel the same?I can't imagine finishing with him because i would miss him too much.Also, this is my first relationship, so i have no other previous relationships to compare it too. I think i felt like this for a couple of years now.I feel really depressed because i don't know what to do. I'm I just expecting too much out of a relationship and does everyone feel like this after a while?thanks in advance
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 It's perfectly understandable for you to feel the way that you do. And you shouldn't feel ashamed because MANY people feel that they want more in the bedroom (or even fantasize about other people). So it's normal. And it really has nothing to do with your lack of relationship/sexual experience. I think your sex life with him is probable predicable, not so exciting, and lacking spontaneity. So I think what you need to do is communicate with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. Your sex life can be better if you both put in the time, energy, and effort to make it better. Come up with a list of things that turn you on, things you want to try, or things that you fantasize about. Discuss with him what each others fantasies are- and work on fulfilling them! You can even select specific days to fulfill those fantasies. It would give the both of you something to look forward to throughout the day/week. And if that doesn't work, then maybe it would beneficial for you to see a sex therapist. They may be able to help you both uncover the problem(s) in your sex life.If two people want to be with each other, they should not seek someone else. Fantasizing is one thing... acting on the fantasy is another. And overall both individuals should feel happy- not miserable or depressed in the relationship. So if nothing works for your relationship, then you should seriously consider if it's worth it to stay in it.Here's also some articles that may be beneficial for you to read....http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ideas-to-keep-the-romance-alive.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-its-important-to-keep-your-relationship-exciting.htmlBest Wishes!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2012): I felt the same way and am in a seven year long relationship. I moved out a month ago and regretted it very much. We're now dating and working on our sex life but it's taking a long time. I think it's normal that you are attracted to other people - I was too. But for me (please don't assume this is the same as it is for you), the feelings were indicative of something else; they reflected a deeper lack of intimacy. Sex is just a filter in that sense. It's been a long and painful process of discovery for me but the relationship is now stronger than before. Still don't know where we'll end up. He is very hurt because I left so kudos to you for being so reasonable. I am the same age as you and really feel your pain in this sense. I kind of want to be settling down, am even thinking kids but it's so hard to know what I want when we've been together since I was 20. I was a kid and now I'm a woman. Basically, I think you need to figure out what your emotional needs are and if he can fulfill them (and vice versa). If yes, then work on building deeper commitment. These decisions are the worst when you are dating / are married to a person who seems like the greatest man alive!So you might think - how could he possibly not be right... but think again.. I've discovered tons about myself and our relationship this way. Figure out what needs of yours are not being met. In cases like yours, lust can be just a way to cover up the real problems. I've discovered that too, unfortunately.And, you know, this happens to everyone - there is much worse in life. All the very best to you
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