A
male
age
36-40,
*obL
writes:Hi guys,I have a problem. My girlfriend and I have been together online for 8 months now and we both love each other very much. I know she loves me, and I do trust her when she says I'm the only person she wants in the world, so why is it that I still find myself being insecure and thinking about things that, in all likelihood, aren't going to happen?For instance, if she goes to lay down for a bit but falls asleep for a few hours, why do I think "'What if' she's with someone?", or when she goes to a party, I think the same thing. It's things like that which make me worry about myself; I trust her not to cheat on me, but it doesn't stop me thinking 'what if'. That can't be good, can it?The thought of losing her to someone else is painful, I hate the thought of it yet continue to torture myself by thinking about the possibility of it happening. My insecurity isn't damaging the relationship, it just makes me feel a bit upset sometimes.I know I need to get over this, but I just don't know how. I've tried telling myself that even if she was having a relationship with someone else, if she does still love me, then it's not all bad, but I don't find much comfort in that. Is it normal to feel insecure in this way? This is (somewhat embarassingly) my first real relationship, so I'm not entirely sure whether it's normal to feel this insecurity or not.Any help, advice, truth, honesty, it'd all be very much appreciated :)Thanks guys 3
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male
reader, RobL +, writes (25 August 2009):
RobL is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey,
Thanks for your response :)
I'm nothing like that, I miss her while I can't contact her, obviously, but I'm never checking up on her or stopping her doing what she wants. All the insecurities I have, I keep them to myself and just churn them over in my mind, because I do trust her, and I know it's silly to think these things, but I just can't help it. It's something I need to try and find a way to deal with; communicating with her, I feel, is going to be a key action, as you say.
Thanks again for your reply, I appreciate it :)
A
female
reader, Aries15 +, writes (24 August 2009):
 Heya xxUmmm i have to say it is very common to feel this way, however these feelings can lead to some terrible consequences. I suggest having a serious talk with your girlfriend. I have a friend who has a boyfriend who is so insufferable he calls her mother every night to make sure she's home alone and texts her non-stop and refuses to let her go anywhere that he cant at the very least drop her off and pick her up. This ruined their relationship and its now in tatters. If you want this to work you have to solve this issue. Talk to her and i know it will be difficult but maybe try spending some time apart for you to be able to get used to the feeling of having her away from you. I hope it works out just believe in your relationship and believe in your girlfriend she seems a lovely girl. xoxo
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