A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to end up having a real dislike of your first love?The fact is - when I was at college 20 years ago - I fell for this guy and we started dating ( my first proper relationship). It lasted on and off for about 6-7 years and then we drifted apart but decided to stay FWB as neither of us had other partners.Anyway, since then I have been involved with a couple of men - nothing serious - just casual flings - but my first love from 20 years ago - still wants to keep in touch and sometimes tries to invite himself over to mine. Now for the first 10 years I didn't mind - as we still kind of held a flame for each other, but now after being with other men - I just have no interest in him at all. In fact - it's getting to the point where I dislike everything about him and find him extremely irritating, each time he rings!!Now - he isn't being a nuisance - as he gets the message when I tell him I'm busy or something and will stay away for months. But then he'll appear again 6 months down the line which I really don't want anymore - as I really dislike everything about him nowSo my question is - why have I got such negative feelings towards him? I've never managed to find another man to be the love of my life, so wonder if I'm taking my feelings out on him? Is this normal behaviour? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (28 July 2015):
 It's quite common. We grow up. We learn to laugh at ourselves from when we were younger. Some of us even start disliking who we were when we were that age.
If liking yourself is optional, what chance do other people have? If he is not someone you'd want in your life at this stage of your life, that's really - absolutely normal.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): Hi
I think it's perfectly normal. As we age, we change. What interests us one year may not the next. As the feelings you had for him that kept you interested in him, disappeared, so did your tolerance of other aspects of his personality. I think the feelings we have for someone cloud our perception of them as a whole and now your feelings have changed so has your perception of him. He may have changed himself in twenty years, in fact I'd be very surprised if he hadn't so why would you expect to feel the same about someone for the rest of your life? I wouldn't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2015): Yes Honeypie - I (OP) guess I am a little annoyed I wasted so many years - but no one else ever came along. But I would rather be single than let my ex keep coming back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 July 2015):
 I agree I don't think it's the norm to have such resentment for the "first love" either.
Maybe because it went from a loving relationship to a "let's use each other for sex" love was "lost" and you ended up feeling empty when thinking of him? And maybe the fact that he pops in every 6 months or so (hoping to continue to use you?)
Or you have simply out grown him, but haven't had the GUTS to tell him; "hey we don't share anything in common any more, let's just cut the contact"..
Or the anger you feel is MORE at yourself for having wasted so many years on a dude who was really a dud.
If you think HE is holding you back from fining someone better suited, why not drop him completely? Block his number etc. There is no real reason to keep him around if he annoys you so.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 July 2015):
 To my mind it's unusual to not continue to love your first love. The first cut is the deepest. You might be wanting to dislike him for other reasons but your heart won't let you...hence the dilema.
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