A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all.I'm in the process of trying decide whether I can be happy in my current relationship. When I think about ending things and not being together all I can think about is how amazing he is. When I think about staying in the relationship all I can think about is all of the horrible stuff.Is it normal to feel so indecisive in this way? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 I guess it all depends from how literally we have to take " horrible stuff ".
If you mean is a figure of speech, like, he is a good guy but he has his flaws, he can be " amazing " ,loving caring romantic etc., but, being human, he also has flaws,... the annoying habit to do X, ... the maddening way he says Y...
then yes, it's normal. You are weighing pros and cons and at times it's very hard to decide which ones weigh more in total.
If we have to take it literally, ... like he really horrible :being verbally or physically abusive, being a serial cheater, dominating you through always putting you down and killing your self esteem, etc.etc... ... then no, you are another victim of the " but I looove him " syndrome.
You know, like all the posters who write here saying : my husband steals my money, gets drunk every night and sleeps with my sister . What should I do?
Answer : Just leave him
Poster : But I love him ! And he can be so AMAZING when he does not steal, get drunk and sleep with my sister !
Moral : know exactly what you want and need from a man ,and act consequentently. Identify your dealbreakers and make them real dealbreakers , no matter how amazing he can be at times.
All the rest... you can work it out, I guess :).
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 I think it is. Even when we KNOW a relationship or friendship has run it's course it is hard to let go.
You want to cling on to the "good stuff" but when you do you are constantly reminded of the not so good too.
You BF can BE an amazing guy, but just not the RIGHT guy for you.
Now you mention "horrible stuff" is all you can think about, what exactly are those horrible things? Things before him or that you went through WITH him?
Because THOSE things might actually BE what will HELP you to let him go and focus on mending yourself.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (16 October 2014):
 I think this is normal. When ending a relationship, you tend to look back and focus on the good stuff only and see everything through rose colored glasses. You remember the good times and the good things about the person. But when you decide to stay, reality sets in. You see the problems that made you think about breaking up in the first place.
When in this position think logically and decide if the good parts about him and the relationship outweigh the bad. Even make a list if you have to, one side being reasons to stay with him and the other side being reasons to leave. If you have more in the good column than bad, stick it out with him for a bit longer and see if you can work on things. If the bad has more, or are worse than the good side, it's safe to say he's better off as an ex and good memory only.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2014): Why settle for a relationship that is sometimes horrible when you can have a relationship that is always amazing?
I would call it quits.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (16 October 2014):
 Yes, many people feel like this.
The important thing to remember is he's not the one for you because of all the horrible stuff. Feelings go up and down, but the horrible stuff happened and is still there no matter how you're feeling at any given moment.
Be strong and do what you know you have to.
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