A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My work frined and I are deeply attracted and connected to each other and i'ts driving me mad, I'm losing my concentration!I am having good days when we are together and bad days when we're not.The problem is that we are both married.We have not discussed affairs and I don't think it will come to that anyway.At first I think we were both enjoying the intense crush feelings but now we are at the point of actually speaking about it (none of us seems to be able to)I don't want to initiate the subject but I know in order to carry on with our jobs respectfully that something must be said.I am trying really hard to not have these feelings, but we just have such a rapport and lots of things in common.I think about him night and day, and am living in a dreamworld world half the time!I think he feels the same (I feel it)How can I get him out of my mind? I'm seeing his face in my dreams and waking up each day feeling like it is real.Is it normal to have crushes like this or am I going mad?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Oh, I think crushes like this happen a lot. It's what you do next that could make or break your career or marriage. It's so much fun to have the giddy feelings and feel like a teenager again, but unless you have some sort of passive-aggressive thing going and you WANT to break up your marriage, it would be better to recognize it as a momentary infatuation.
I would recommend that you harness some of those fluttery feelings you've been experiencing, and aim them at your husband. Use the crush to liven up the marriage. Date your husband again. Be giddy, be girly, flirt like mad.
"Look, Henry, I think you are a smashing guy, and if I weren't married, well, let's just keep that thought private. I respect you and I enjoy working with you. I love my husband and that's all I'm going to say about that."
You've got that chemical thing going right now, where you can't see his flaws. He's getting the benefit of all your fantasies, unlike your husband, who has no mystery left for you. You get to imagine everything and it's all perfect in the make-believe world.
But in fact, this guy leaves the seat up, he flirts with the waitresses, his feet stink and he has a bad habit of playing golf when he should be painting the shed. His wife probably wouldn't recognize the guy you have developed the crush on. Or maybe she could, he was the guy who wooed and won her.
Take a vacation, drag your husband somewhere where you can do things that get your heart rates up, that are a little or a lot challenging and new and fun. Flirt with the man. Wear lipstick and put on sexy undies and apply all those urges onto your husband. I'll bet you suddenly remember why you chose him in the first place.
Good luck.
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