A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:is it normal or healthy in a love relationship for your girl or guy to frequently mention some other guy or girl's name? my girl seems to mention this one guy's name every time we conversate. i once asked her and she said he was just a collegue and became some what defensive. what could that (what she does) mean. were they once in a relationship or is she having a double dose? by the way, we all work for the same organization and well i hope you all get the picture.please help. i don't trust her anymore. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 Only she knows the answer but it's clear that you have trust and jealousy issues and so does she!
You two need to sit down, talk and really sort this out.
You both have to decide if this relationship is what you want and then think about how you make it work.
You must both be sensitive to each others fears and help each other overcome the jealousy issues. Trust will grow in time.
If you guys can't do this and carry on as you are then I don't see it lasting.
I hope this helps AB x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we've been going out together for a few months now, almost six. But then, this has been happening ever since. I don't know or understand why she does that all the time. If I happen to mention some other female colleagues name or hang out with them then she feels somewhat uneasy or rather jealous. Does she want to make me jealous or what? But then that is childish and I detest that.
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A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (6 October 2013):
I agree it could be a number of things, but we really don't know.
The fact that she gets defensive about it is not great, but we don't know how she was feeling that day and I agree we don't know the circumstances how it was asked.
I think the answer to this question is to ask her the question - in a non confrontational and relaxed way - yourself. Or to just state to her that by her doing this, it's not helping your relationship and may make it end.
In situations like this, relationships are about compromise and letting the person know what you need. If she dismisses your concerns or doesn't take them into account, then it's time to move on. But by stating your concerns to her well, she may see what she's doing and think about you, and this might help your relationship.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (6 October 2013):
It could be something, it could be nothing.
If she was having an affair with him whilst dating you I very much doubt she would mention this guys name at all.
She may just be friends with him and really like his company and the things he says and does and is sharing this with you. I think this is the more likely scenario.
She may have a crush on this guy and not realise it.
You don't say how long you two have been together and the nature of your relationship (living together or not).
You say you asked her and she got defensive, maybe she got defensive because of how you asked her and what you said.
If you asked her outright if she was having an affair with this guy and she said no then got defensive, that is not an admission of guilt, it's a normal reaction to being accused of cheating when you haven't.
I do not have the answer to your question, only your girlfriend knows that, but you say you don't trust her anymore.
You have already made your mind up as to what she's doing and have clearly assumed the worst.
If you're right, then it would appear the relationship is over.
If you're wrong, then your lack of trust in her does not bode well for this relationship.
Either way it doesn't look good does it?
I hope this helps AB x
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