A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my husband. We are married 8 years and he was my first sexual partner. I was always the prudish type! Not by choice but i think by fact of low self esteem and the fact I probably have no confidence. I have only in the last maybe year or so began to experience orgasm and enjoy sex. Through reading sexual posts and in a very rare occasion watched porn, it appears that couples have no problem having unprotected sex. That is not my issue though. It's the fact that during sexual intercourse couples swap body fluid and the lady would go down on her man even though he has just been inside her. I find this yucky. I want to please him and enjoy ourselves but is it normal to feel this way..
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confidence, oral sex, orgasm, porn, self esteem, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, big rob905  +, writes (26 July 2015):
 I don't think you don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, married or not, if that bothers you than you should be able talk to your spouse and say this makes me feell icky when I do this. This will give you a way to work on your self esteem issues. Good luck hope all works out for you
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 July 2015):
 Maybe start OUT with fellatio? As part of the foreplay? (without getting him off, of course) That way it's "clean" and it might make it easier for you to deal with.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 July 2015):
 Your hesitancy is not uncommon.
It must be tough for some women who never get to experience cunnilingus because their guy refuses to offer that.
Just as it must be similarly disappointing for the guys who rarely if ever get to enjoy fellatio.
yet there are many more options than just the two above. Have you thought of reading him some exotic sexy poetry in bed to each other? Or working through the pages of the Kama Sutra together? Or kissing him all over with your eye lashes? or reading a page or two from an erotic novel?
Your guy still wants to feel he is adored. Even if fellatio is not appealing to you. A foot massage is lovely and that can feel really good after he's had a long day.
Wise owl is right about the pineapple juice. It really does improve things. The taste is then more pleasant if you do happen to come into oral contact.
Serve your guy pineapple juice for breakfast and offer him another glass when he comes home. Pineapple juice is a wonderful marital aid as far as I am concerned.
However i too agree that a quick wipe over the area is preferable if you have already just had sex.
My guy does not like garlic but he said even if he did like it he would not eat it as he feels it would give his semen an unpleasant taint.
I prefer the just showered scenario then it feels so much nicer.
And I love new sheets, they make things nicer again.
We all love it when our guy considers our feelings and our needs.
guys feel the same, but may or may not feel able to express their thoughts on this.
work around the things you like or he likes and then try to work towards doing things you are mutually comfortable with.
You should not have to do something you do not enjoy.
After 8 years you would both be very familiar with each others likes and dislikes.
You can of course refuse point blank to do it. But that would be extra disappointing for your partner.
work with your partner as you seek to arrive at common ground over these issues.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): I highly doubt that half the population like this as FA claims. I'm another woman here and can tell you I certainly don't and a quick poll of two female friends affirmed they don't either . Wow it's starting to look a hell of a lot like a whole lot fewer than 50 percent like it ! Although it's clear that porn has managed to convince many men that most women do. Yet another example of porn lying about women's sexuality and implying that we all like the acts it shows . Very sad
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2015): Have sex in the shower together the second go-round. Flavor him with chocolate or caramel sauce. There are also flavored love-oils you can get from the same places you purchase sex toys and sexy lingerie; or on the internet.
I clean my guy up with a soft warm wet cloth, and he loves it. I handle things oh so gently. I know how it feels, so that's my advantage.
You don't have to taste what you don't want to. Never be ashamed to tell your sex-partner what you're not crazy about. Don't give him a grocery list, just this one particular thing. If it's something outrageous, you have your values and limitations. He should respect them.
Don't compare your likes and dislikes to others. You are you, and he's your husband. So the point is to give him what he likes, even if you don't like it sometimes. He gives you what you like, I hope. Does he give you oral-sex if you like it? Kisses and foreplay? If he objects to it, then you have grounds to speak-up. It's about mutual pleasure.
Your sex-life is based purely on what pleasures you and your husband; and the opinions and desires of outsiders are irrelevant to what you two enjoy in your own bedroom. Don't be pressured or concerned by what other people like to do.
My boyfriend loves oral sex, and I get disgusted with the taste of semen. I urge him drink pineapple juice and other sweet juices that change the taste. It works! I don't let him ejaculate in my mouth all the time, but he does whatever I like. So it doesn't kill me, nor does he taste that bad naturally. I guess I'm a little prudish to a point myself. I just want to be sure he is as pleased as I am. So, I enjoy seeing the look of ecstasy on his face when I do what he likes; even when I'm probably frowning on the inside. Which rarely, if ever, happens.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 July 2015):
 I feel the same way you do.
Remember that porn is for men and by men so they generally aren't the ones doing the risky or 'yucky' sfuff. It also shows women fellating a man after anal penetration which is a big no-no so it's not exactly a how to guide.
Only do what you feel comfortable doing and don't assume being a prude is a bad thing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 July 2015):
I know how you feel, but there are (like FA so excellently put it) many discrete ways at getting around it.
If you usually have sex in the bedroom, have USEFUL items in the drawer next to the bed, wipes (don't get scented as they can sting and taste ewww), flavored condoms (THESE are great for putting on and giving a BJ - but DO NOT use them for insertion into the vagina because you can easily end up with an itch or more due to the flavorings, for ORAL sex they are great though.) Tissues (always handy) or you can go with a mint, that way you give HIM a tingle and all YOU can taste is mint.
Personally though, I prefer my own fluids to my husbands. But I don't think it's abnormal to not be keen on tasting yourself. Nothing wrong in that, just find a way to work around it, instead of EWWW-ing.
Ewww in the bedroom kind of spoils the mood and fun.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 July 2015):
 "is it normal?" is not the right question. Just because more than half the people out there like something is no indicator that you will like something.
My opinion is, it's no big deal. Sure it's a bodily fluid, but you are sharing bodily fluids. There is nothing particularly dangerous about getting your bodily fluids from your vagina mixed up with your bodily fluids in your mouth. Now your bodily fluids from your Anus are a whole different story, but you didn't want to think about that.
My wife, sexual partner (one and only) feels much like you do. Just because I feel differently does not make us incompatible. With a bit of planning we can have plenty of fun and closeness without crossing eachothers boundarys. We have appropriate barriers available for the activities we enjoy. We have cleaning supplies handy for things that need to be removed before we proceed to the next pleasure. We have lubricants and toys and whatever it takes.
In your case a quick swipe with a baby wipe and you can go right down.
The key is flexibility and communication. Don't say eww that's gross, say ummm, you smell like me and that isn't a turn on for me. Let me fix that. simple inviting, non offfensive.
FA
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (24 July 2015):
Eh, I'm not real keen on it myself. Sometimes I'll grab a t-shirt or whatever is handy and dry him off super fast. If you make it quick enough it really doesn't interrupt the flow of things. For some men though the idea of a woman going down on them right after they've been inside is a big turn on.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (24 July 2015):
It's absolutely normal to feel this way. It's a matter of choice and you won't really know till you try. Don't worry so much and try enjoying the moment and not thinking too much. And do what makes you feel comfortable. Everyone feels a lil skeptical before trying. Give yourself some time.
Good luck
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