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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: dear cupid,soo, the first few times that i had sex, the guy used a condom. buuut there were a few times after that when he DIDN'T use a condom. please don't start lecturing me about how this is risky behavior and that i could wind up getting pregnant; i know it's risky, i know i could get pregnant, and that's not the kind of stuff i need to hear. anyways...what i want to know is whether or not it's normal for sex to feel different with/without a condom. for some reason, it seems like it hurts more when the guy doesn't use a condom. has anyone else ever experienced that?
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female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 I love the analogy from YouWish - I hate them too, but only don't use them when in a loving committed relationship, whilst on the pill and he's been fully tested!
Risking any form of STI or STD is not worth doing it without wellies on as my mother used to say!
Sex without a condom in a loving relationship is amazing, because 1. It feels better and 2. Your 100% sure there's going to be no nasty side effects! (except a wet patch which is another story)
Respect yourself, make him use a condom.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Forget the "risky condom" lecture. I feel the need to lecture you about the risky GUY. Did you just meet him? From what you wrote, it sounds like you're just starting out having sex (within the first few months) with is already pushing for skin on skin sex.
Yeah, it's a lot different for the girl to have sex without a condom. I personally *hate* them, as it feels like I'm having sex with one of those balloons that clowns turn into dog shapes and whatnot (I know, I have an active imagination!), but it feels a lot more intimate without it.
But this guy is throwing risk to the wind, and thinking nothing of risking YOU either. I'm guessing that he's taken that path with many other women, so I'd be worried that HE is carrying a disease, since he is not careful with his own safety.
Going condomless is only something to do if you both are sexual and there's a huge degree of trust, not to mention an alternative form of birth control (the morning after pill isn't a good primary birth control!). Usually, this should be in the context of a serious relationship with a degree of longevity. For him to rush to lose them would make me nervous.
It's kinda the same philosophy as making a friend who loves to divulge confidential information to you and spread secrets about other friends that they've told her not to tell. You know that if she's that disloyal to other friends, you can't trust her.
Same principle here. If he's eagerly tossing off condoms within the first few sexual encounters with you, you know for a fact that he's spent his life doing that with everyone. Hence, the risk factor for having sex with him is much higher than with others.
That's the first thing I thought when I heard that you were being hurt by bare sex with him...I'd hate to think that you've already picked up an infection!
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Yes, from personal experience without is much better. Feels more sensitive and feels great to finish. Also it feels more intimate being without.
(I say this purely because you said about knowing about condoms etc etc. )
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 October 2011):
 First I'll respond to the second part of your question: yes it's normal for it to feel different for both of you. It probably hurts more because most condoms come with a bit of lube on them, whereas his bare skin does not. It could mean you need more foreplay, since it shouldn't actually hurt at all either way. Also get yourself a bottle of good lube (the cheap stuff gets gummy/sticky really fast). It's really a great thing to have around.
Now the first part... Apparently it is the kind of stuff you need to hear. Unless you have some other birth control you most likely will get pregnant. It's not the kind of thing where if you use a condom one day but don't the next your risk is cut in half. You need to use birth control every time you have sex or you will almost definitely get pregnant. It's not a risk worth taking, use a condom every time or get on the pill (or something similar). Every time. No matter what. Once without birth control is all it takes.
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (11 October 2011):
 It's probably because theres lots of lube on a condom, so naturally you won't get that without, and it'll hurt more.
Personally I don't feel much difference, but guys do (find it better without), so I advise you to get them into the habit of wearing one all the time so he won't just assume he can go without for his benefit (at least until you're on a suitable form of birth control, and have checked your both free from STI's etc... although I suppose thats a bit late now, but for the future.)
Good luck! x
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