A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for me to feel turned off by my bfs porn use? Knowing that he is watching and getting off to younger women who nearly always look perfect seems to affect my sex drive with him and I can't seem to feel sexy . I am a healthy woman in her 40s and happy with my appearance personally and around others . This just seems to impact my relationship with him. How is it that I am confident and outgoing woman with a good job yet this thought seems to interfere with my attraction and respect for him and how I feel about how he views me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015): No men have any comments ? Would be nice to understand why men would think a woman would possibly feel good about this ?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): Hi
Wouldn't you just love to know how men/boyfriends/husbands would feel, if we sat in front of computer screens masturbating to images of young, fit men and ignoring them? Then when they complained, we just told them they were too sensitive or whatever other crap they tell us?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 May 2015):
 Most porn is MADE by men FOR men. They cater to the male ego. They USE young women because THAT is what SELLS the most porn, it makes some men think that THEY too can get a hot young babe in their bed, even if they can't. PORN is fantasy. And a billion dollar industry.
And most men sees nothing wrong with using porn (over their imagination or some even over sex with a partner), because it's so readily available. I heard a man describe porn as Starbucks coffee. YOU can make it at home, it won't cost 10%, it can taste JUST as good (if not better), you get WAY more bang for your bucks - BUT you have to MAKE an effort in adding a filter, the coffee, the water and the wait... It's SO much easier to JUST pick up a cup of coffee on the go.
The general consensus is that women who doesn't like porn are somehow insecure. I don't entirely agree with that. If your BF likes to watch porn, AT LEAST he can use some discretion. So your aren't constantly reminded that he seems to prefer younger women to jerk off too. Now he MAY NOT go looking for porn with younger female, but it still makes YOU feel inadequate when you really shouldn't. We all age (so does he). We decide what we will put up with and what we don't. IF his porn usage is making you NOT respect him and NOT want to have sex with him.,... then MAYBE he isn't for you no more.
One thing though, you ARE assuming that he isn't happy and content with how you look. THAT may not BE the case. Like I said porn is "fantasy" - some straight guys like gay porn (not because they are unhappy that their female partner doesn't have a penis) or group sex (not because they WANT to share their partner) but because CERTAIN fantasies gets them going faster.
I think MOST men don't understand (or refuse to understand) how MUCH porn can affect a relationship. Society today is so OVER SATURATED with porn and sex that having porn on your phone is almost as "natural" to most as water is to a cup of tea. Personally, I find that sad. While porn IS fantasy, it's also FAKE as Fu**.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 May 2015):
 there are men out there that choose not to use porn.
If his porn use bothers you then you have every right to end the relationship and find someone who does not use porn that bothers you.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 You have no obligation to put up with porn use in your relationship. Porn affects a relationship much more than we imagine. Read "Pornland" by Gail Dines to see what I mean. If he knows that you don't approve of porn use and that it affects you, but carries on nevertheless, I think you should reconsider whether you want to be with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): I am in a very similar situation. I have been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years. He is into very young flexible in particular women for his porn fix. Before I met him I was confident and happy with the way I looked. I'm 44 and suddenly since meeting him I feel 'old' and unattractive and worse feel uncomfortable every time a younger woman goes past in the street and he turns to stare. I didn't feel this way before meeting him! I resent our sex life because I feel I'm not what he wants. My advice is based on my own decision that I'm leaving him. I've had conversations with him but I know he thinks the problem is mine. To be honest the damage is done and I want to find a guy that doesn't have this obsession. I deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): This is the OP. I should add that when I say younger women I am referring to aroynd 20-25. My bf is in his late 40s
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