A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for good male and female friends to discuss in detail exactly what they like during sex? By "in detail" I mean things like the enjoyment associated with giving/receiving oral, rimjobs, anal and the intensity of each.She and I have been friends for about 15 months. I know she used to have a crush on me, but I had a girlfriend when we met. We discussed at one point how we'd like to have sex, but I had a girlfriend and that's not fair to her so we stopped talking (I thought for good). Right before this my friend was telling me all about the way she likes to masturbate.She contacted me again. Now she has a boyfriend. She and I trade very long emails once a week and rarely see each other due to conflicting schedules. The sex stuff usually makes up 1/4 or so of each email. It seems like casual talk. She keeps asking me about who I'm having sex with because I never bring it up ("no one" is the answer) and she asks questions about how my sexual needs are being met (they're not). She awkwardly asked me in person if I'd slept with anyone while she and I were out of contact with each other. She doesn't speak highly of her boyfriend and complains about how he doesn't like the sex-acts she enjoys (after I said I enjoyed those same acts). I am a private person and usually discuss this stuff with no one.If a had a girlfriend and she were discussing things like this with another man, I wouldn't approve. Much like it wasn't fair for me to discuss it while I had a girlfriend.I am careful not to be her emotional doormat and I often make myself scarce. I don't gush over her, though I used to. I don't want to be her "girlfriend".
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): It is kind of weird that she discusses her sexual needs with you in so much detail. It could be that she likes you. Some people feel more comfortable discussing sex then others. It depends on the type of environment you were raised in. Society seems to train us to look at sex as something that is sinful and dirty but in fact its a natural and normal part of life. Most people are brought up to be reserved when it comes to sex so when the topic is brought up its awkward. I had a boyfriend who was insistent that I tell him exactly what I liked and didn't like and the truth was I really did not know the answer to many of his questions. It was awkward for me because I was raised that way. As for what she is looking for when she tells you all of these things...the only real way to know is to ask her. If you don't want her as a girlfriend then it does not really matter. If you feel awkward talking to her on that personal of a level then kindly explain that to her.
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