A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am hoping to get some advice. I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now. We have discussed marriage and the future a lot recently, which has got me thinking about whether this is really me for life. I moved cities 3 months after I met my boyfriend, and so have only seem him about 3 weekends a month for the last 2.5 years. I care about him a lot, but am concerned that it might be more as a friend than a lover. Our bedroom life has become very repetitive in the most part (although we do try to spice things up occassionally), and recently it's just not been doing anything for me and so I have kind of gone off sex. I feel pressurised into being in the mood at the weekend, when in reality sometimes i want it during the week. I have asked my boyfriend to try out phone sex/sending erotic texts etc, but he won't/can't try it which is very frustrating for me in a long distance relationship.I feel that the fun is lacking and we dont laugh together anymore. I know life has got busy and we dont get much time together, and relationships change over time, but I am beginning to think that whilst i love him, i may not be in love with him.I don't even know if we could live together, and there is no possibility of even trying for the next 12 months due to work.I feel like I should be so in love with this man that even though we live in separate cities, even though I only see him for 4-8 days a month, it shouldn't matter. I see other couples and how crazy they are for each other, and feel like im missing that. Can we pull this back to a decent relationship? Is it normal for long term long distance relationship to go through periods like this, or are we just not suited to each other? How can I help us? Thanks for any advice or kind words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I, too, was in a long distance relationship for three years and I also went through the same feelings. We never really truly laughed anymore. Our conversations were dull and there were many long and silent pauses in our phone conversations. Our sex life was repetitive... and the worst part was that I think I was just having sex with him out of habit. In fact, everything that I did with him was out of habit. For some reason, he was still madly in love with me... and while I knew that he had somehow along the way turned more into a "friend" than a boyfriend, I stayed with him because I was scared of the possibility of being alone. And of course, I was used to being with him! Unless you see a real possibility of being with him in marriage... my advice would be to move on. It may be scary at first, and it will be painful as hell. However, you'll have time to start over with someone in your own city! And maybe you'll be lucky enough to find an even better love. Best of luck to whatever decision you make. The ending of my story is this: I finally had the courage to break up with him, even though there was nothing "wrong" with my relationship. The truth is that I didn't love him as a boyfriend/lover anymore and it wasn't fair with him to just use him as a backup until I found someone else. I left him, and found THE guy and I couldn't be happier. Be brave! If you know there's more to a relationship than what you have, then go for it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years!!!! and i had the exact same doubts and feelings you had... untill when that distance was over when i moved to his city... since then we are happily married. I assure you.. if you did not truely love him.. then you would not bother with going through the pain of not seing eachother.. but think about when u do see eachother.. isnt it the most perfect intense beutiful feeling in the world? Well that would last if you got married... you could feel that everyday! BUT DONT RUSH IT... go with the flow so your love can grow!
goodluck and follow your heart...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): Well i am in a long distance relationship, i've been with my bf for about 5 years and we were together like 6 months, he recently came to visit me, and we also talk about marrige and things get really serious.
But i've been also thinking if i would really marry him without having really spend quality time.
So we both agree on been together and then decicing if we want to marry eachother.
We have never had sex i am 20 and he is 22, so i can't really advice u on that.
So i think the best is to tell him how u feel and both decide on what is best.
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