A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently met a guy from a dating site. The first time we met, we engaged in anal sex without a condom (he had a fantasy of ejaculating inside my anus) as a way to avoid pregnancy. Everytime we meet he only wants to have anal and never vaginal. It's not pleasureable for me at all (it hurts) but I do it because he gets a lot of enjoyment out of it. Is it normal for a guy to only want anal and never vaginal?
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anal sex, condom, engaged, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2016): That's really unsafe!
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 February 2016):
 I hope you have a moment to re-read your post and ask if you saw someone post that, what would you think about them?
For me, I came across with this:
1) You are very risky with your sexual health. You let a stranger have anal sex with you -- which is a primary disease transmitter because the anus is generally not suitable for sex (i.e. bleeding). You are completely trusting his word that he doesn't have anything: herpes, AIDS, HPV, etc. Some diseases are curable -- some last a lifetime.
2) If you get no pleasure from it and it hurts -- it probably isn't a good idea to do it. Are you that desperate and have that low of self-esteem that you would subject yourself to this? For a guy your hardly know and just to keep him?
I see self-esteem issues written all over your question. It is sort of sad to be honest because we all deal with loneliness and fear of rejection but we set ourselves up for a lot of unhappiness when we let ourselves be used and potentially abused.
To answer your question, though, is that it is slightly weird but some guys get off on anal sex. The fact that you are willing to do it probably is only more encouragement for him. He also doesn't have to worry about pleasuring you or getting you pregnant, so I can see his desire for it. Some do anal sex sparingly, others never do it, so he probably figures he hit a goldmine with you.
I hope you take some time though to read between the lines of your post. There is a LOT more going on here than I think you realize.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 February 2016):
 You engaged in condomless sex with a man you know virtually nothing about. It doesn't really matter if it is vaginal or anal sex.
Go see your doctor and get screened for STIs (sexually transmitted infections). And use a condom from now on with him until he's been tested as well.
Are you really prepared to risk your future health and wellbeing because he has some fantasy, that gives you no pleasure and in fact hurts? Which means that you are probably experiencing injury to your rectum. Which means you really really need to see your doctor ASAP, ask for a full STI screening and explain the unprotected anal sex with a guy whose HIV status is unknown.
My goodness. You have to take better care of yourself. You are asking for problems!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2016): Well, I can only say that you have fallen prey to a creep who only enjoys this kind of stuff "don't want to use more precise words in case DC blocks my comment". Don't let him do this to you. Kick his sorry butt, because you can expose yourself to a lot of health issues if you continue with him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 February 2016):
 No it doesn't sound normal on EITHER of you side.
WHY on EARTH have sex that you don't enjoy? You think you will keep him around if you do what HE wants? What about what YOU want? What you enjoy?
And him! Why on EARTH does he keep having sex with you without doing things that might please you? What a sad pathetic lover!
And even worse.. NO condom?! Are you crazy? While it might not be AS easy to get pregnant from anal sex - you can still get ANY AND ALL STD's from unprotected analsex!
Have a little self-respect OR at least some self preservation!
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Don't worry about what he wants, worry about what you want for pete sake! This sounds like a whole lot of crazy starting at first date anal sex without a condom. If you want it to stop then put a stop to it ,if he don't like it too bad sayonara!
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Seems like he has a massive anal fetish that is satisfied only at your expense. No, this isn't normal in the least because he does it without any regard for you. You should not do this to please him. You should have sex to please you BOTH. Therefore, you must put a stop to it and not bend under pressure, which is what he will likely do after you end it.
Never have sex that is something you do not want to do. He should know that as well but seems not to care. Pregnancy issue is another lame argument to convince you to do stuff you don't want to. There are other ways to avoid pregnancy that does not involve anal.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 Is it normal for a woman to engage repeatedly in a condomless sexual act that hurts her and that gaves her no physical pleasure whatsoever, just to ingratiate herself to some random guy from a dating site whom she owes nothing to and whom she basically does not know from Adam ?!
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