A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for my own boyfriend to mock me for being pretty? I've always been insecure about my looks, especially when it comes to him. Although it's gotten much better now (been together for about 3 yrs), I always have doubts about how I look around my bf. For the past few weeks, I've been trying my best to look extra good. But, the other day, I was just making my hair in the bathroom and he came in to say something and then went to sit down on the kitchen table. We were both studying. When I joined him to study again, I was still playing with my hair and flipping it around a little bit. He said "awww babe thinks she's pretty" I looked at him and said "so? I know I am" and he didn't say anything, but was making the kind of face when someone's trying not to burst out in laughter. I don't get it, is he jealous?? I know 100% that he gets insecure about his looks, because he's been losing hair at a pretty early age (26) and he always has to wear a hat. We've had talks where "he knows he's not a very attractive man." So, is he jealous? I mean, I would think he would like to be with an attractive woman, but maybe it's just that he wants more control in the relationship? Before, I always used to tell him that i don't think I'm pretty and that he deserves better than me. He would calm me down and tell me i'm pretty, sexy, hot, regardless of if I believed him. So, maybe he doesn't like it that he's losing control now? Any ideas anyone? Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): You two sound competitive. And it is not just him. BOTH of your actions/words, dialogues sounds like you are both in a competition with each other. And you both have some MAJOR hang ups about your looks. And neither of you is being supportive of the other. Now this is a serious question. Do either of you work in an industry (such as film or tv) where your looks full out determine your career? Are your looks paying the bills? If so, then I can TOTALLY understand this issue coming up often and both of you struggling to cope with it. You didn't mention this though, so I assume not.So, if your looks only come in handy to bat your BEAUTIFUL eyelashes at the kid at the checkout counter at the supermarket, I mean, really? What the heck are you two arguing about?I think you both need to realize, your looks, the one's you both argue about, are not paying the bills. Not only that, they WILL fade. For the both of you. A relationship is about supporting one another, and loving each other unconditionally just as you are. You two are being trivial and petty. And neither one of you wants to budge. Why not you be the bigger person and you back down. Next time he makes a comment or a face when you are twirling your hair, just ignore him. Or even better laugh with him. It's fun to laugh at yourself. That'll break the ice and the tension that you both have created by placing so much importance on things that are not important. You two are taking this WAY too seriously. As long as your looks are not paying the bills, then stop worrying about it. Loosen up. Laugh. Have fun.
A
female
reader, Melanie0517 +, writes (28 October 2014):
Sounds to me like you could be spot on. Especially if the balance has shifted to you being the one to comfort him about looks and confidence. It's very, incredibly immature on his part, and really makes no sense to me. A relationships should be a partnership of equals, no one person should be "in control." Certainly not based on who is more attractive, I have never heard anything so crazy. I agree with the post that says it sounds like he is trying to keep your confidence down so you don't leave him. He should be proud of having an attractive girlfriend, be glad you are choosing to be with him. Don't let him tear you down, if you ever find yourself believing what he say(or what he implies what he mocks you) or you just get sick of it, then break up with him and find someone who appreciates your beauty like a man should.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 October 2014):
 Firstly pretty is subjective. Beauty is truley i the eyes of the beholder. That is to say don't let it go to your head. His feelings toward you guide his vision of you so all the compliments are driven by his emotions. ust relax and try to share the mirror.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2014): This is messed up. From the information you provide, it definitely seems like a control thing, and seems like he thinks he's in competition with you. That if you think you're hot on a consistent basis, you'll obviously dump him, so he sees it as his self-preservation to keep your self-esteem low. It may not go any further than this, but the example you provided is borderline emotionally abusive - being a total asshole at the very minimum. Guys who love their girlfriends and support them don't do this. Do with that information what you will.
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