A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, before my boyfriend split with me we had been quite distant for a few weeks, thinks it was because it was hanging over our heads that he was going away. I wrote him a letter saying that I felt distant from him because I didn't know where he saw our relationship going in the near future, said I din't know whether he wanted me to go with him or a distance relationship or other possibilities. He never said anything about this letter except thank you. Then a few weeks later, without discussing anything with me he said he thought we should split because he wasnt happy anymore and didn't feel the same. He phone that evening saying that he cared about me so much and didn't want to hurt me, he said he would call in few weeks he just wanted some time alone to get things clear.He said he was so confused bput staying together. Anyway he texted to end it saying that it didn't feel right anymore and that meeting up to talk about things would only make things worse. I love him so much and even though he is going away, still believed we had a future. Do I try to talk to him about it? he has ignored all text messages asking about us, but want to see me a few times before he leaves, as friends. Whenever I mention us he just ignores me, why?. Does he just want to forget about me? move on?. We use to be so good together and Im the longest relationship hes ever had by a alot, we were together for nearly two years. Is he scared of committment? Can I get him back or is it to late? Shall I just leave him alone and concentrate on my own life, am I stiupid to be friends with him, is it just making me look desperate, or is it a good thing that we want to stay in contact?. Please help, im so confused because he has never talked to me about this so things are just going over and over in my head, is it my fault did I scare him off with the letter I sent?.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): I can feel your pain at the moment, I hope your start to feel a bit better soon.In reading your post, my heart spilled over thinking about a similar situation I faced once. It was the other way around though.I think your man is kind, decent and has found this hard to cope with too. He is trying to let go of something which he clearly cared about. But sometimes it is time for us to move on and start a new road in our lives and that is how we grow into the person who knows exactly when and where they want to be at certain times of our lives. It was his time to perhaps move on. I know it was not yours and that is what is hurting so badly at the moment. Your letter was not what caused anything and by him acknowledging and thanking your for it, it must have meant something to him. He would have thought about how he knows you don't want to break up and he is showing signs that this is something he cares about, by him avoiding your direct questions about the two of you, he may be hoping you understand. And you do need to understand. It would hurt you at this time to be just friends, your emotions are too vunerable with him. If he is decent guy, he will be aware of this. As the song goes, "Breaking up is hard to do".Your a young women who has to move on. This is time to start fresh, loving the relationship you had and taking what you learnt from it into your life now. It is always hard to hear that their will be other loves in your life, but there will. Think of friends, family and others who have had relationships end, when they perhaps were not ready, but have moved on and found new love in the future.Cheerish your memories of your relationship, respect his decision - especially if you want to be friends, tell him you are sorry that it didn't work out for him and that you hope he will stay in touch. Cry, laugh and help a friend and time will start to hell your heart. Don't beat yourself up, it was nothing you did, or he, it was just a time in your life now for you to smile about and move on.All my love xxx
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (5 February 2008):
 No! Look, you had things you needed to tell him and you did. I don't see anything wrong with what you said in your letter and it certainly wouldn't scare most people off.
However, it's a shame you 2 couldn't talk to each other about this stuff but you did the next best thing. In fact, considering his behaviour, communicating by text, I don't think you had much choice to be fair.
Seems to me if he is ignoring you then you should leave it and move on. Difficult since you haven't had any closure and no doubt there's a million and one questions going round in your head.
I've been there myself even though I broke up with my EX. It's not going to be easy but you will get through it and I think you need to concentrate on yourself and move on.
If he comes back and wants to give it another go he'll be in touch and you'll have to think very carefully before letting him back. Don't wait for him. Move on with your life.
Whilst I was going through all those difficult times following the break-up I wrote an article on here about it and what I did. It worked for me (and some others on here too). I hope it helps and let us know how you get on :)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
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