A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have had advice off here before which I found helpful ....My partner of 5 years left me earlier this year in January and also I was unwell at that time ... he was the love of my love and i was desperately unhappy ..I joined an online dating site whilst at home, as i was upset and lonely and worried about my health ..I was contacted by various people on the site and made some nice female friends but one guy in particular seemed to have an 'effect' on me ... i cant quite explain it ..anyway he made me feel sky high, as though i was falling back in love with life again and i guess i feel for him a bit .. (i didn't intend to ...) -he is in Italy and I was planning to visit Italy in late July so we agreed to meet whilst i was there .. we had two lovely dates and agreed we would like to meet again .. when i got back all was well but then we had a misunderstanding about something ..he is still sulking about it .. (we argued last Weds) and on Friday just gone he said he still wants to be in touch but is annoyed about the misunderstanding (he thought i was trying to dictate to him about something) and said to me not to worry anyway just think about driving carefully (I was about to drive somewhere) and we'll talk about it another dayi texted him today but no answer (he has done this before sometimes) ... it is not a committed relationship or anything but still .... i wanted to get it sorted outmy main concern is that i have a health issue, and the symptoms come on worse when there is stress ... i am very fond of him but am thinking of backing off and just keeping in touch as friends for now .. (he has important exams anyway for the next couple of months plus is working full time)i feel as though i lost a part of myself when my parter walked out and this guy helped me to get over the worst of it but now i need to find ways to prevent stress from 'getting to me' .... if i back off him now i will miss him etc ... he makes me feel so good when we are in touch and he has said he feels the same but he is flaky with contact ...does anyone have any suggestions/tips as to how i can back off without letting this hurt me or stress me out .... i cannot continue like this really with him being moody here and there and the flaky contact .... it upsets me whereas other people might take it more in their stride ..my daughter says since my partner walked out i am more 'vacant' and part of me is lost! i am trying to 'find my way' again ... but finding it hard ... i really want to protect my mental and physical health .. i am having acupuncture, going for yoga and swimming etc ... but i get very stressed out about men, they are my 'achilles heel'i am annoyed with myself for getting so fond of this guy .. i want to keep in touch but i want to be less dependent on him ... i want to find that 'in love with life' feeling within myself ....any advice and guidance for a bit a of a lost soul would be appreciated! i have seen some great answers on this site .... so if you have a minute to spare ... maybe i am feeling vulnerable because of the health issue too ... (doctor thinks i might have a mild form of MS but can carry on pretty much as normal and must reduce stress and be aware not to get over tired etc) ...would it be more stressful to carry on with this 'up and down' contact with this guy ... or just be friends instead and be disappointed for a while ... my main concern is how to protect my health ....thanks :) xView related questions: text12345-- Rate this QuestionReply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis is original poster ... Thank you for your answers and re reply for crierwy yes you hit the nail on the head! i know i touched a nerve ... just not sure which one! there were lots of emails going back and forth ..
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionrhythmandblues! Hi .... i am the poster .. i was referring to two separate men ... my long term partner left in feb after 5 yrs .. then i met the other guy on the internet .. the one who is flaky with contact and sulks ... :) i went straight from one to the other unintentionally but it happened accidentally .... so the new one is the one who sulks about small things ... thanks for your reply
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): I am a little confused at your post and if there is more than one man you are writing about here. If I understand correctly, you have been dumped yet again by a man who has been on and off with you for 5 years?
The only thing worse than remaining in this relationship would be if you let it go on for five years and one day more....you do not owe him anything, you would be best to cut him out of your life completely and move on. The hallmark of an unhealthy relationship is the on and off again pattern....he isn't capable of a healthy relationship with anyone, and you may have intimacy issues, too.
Perhaps seeking individual counseling would help you process your emotions, find closure with this chapter of your life and find your inner strength, your legs so to speak need to get under you....so that you can feel joy in life once again. It is not worthy of you to let this man or this relationship wear you out and wear you down...it isn't working, staying conncected in anyway isn't working as he is content with stringing you along indefinately because you are letting him. We teach people how to treat us, everytime you take him back is a notch in his view of your worth.....kick him to the curb.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i'm the original poster ... my health issue is 'query mild MS' and yes i have a history of attracting (and then responding to ...) guys with issues .. maybe they 'see me coming!'
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