A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years but things haven't been easy. I realised i didn't want a future with him for cultural reasons which I told him. He said its not a valid reason but it's fine and that we don't have to break up just because we're not going to get married. I thought there was no point being together if there's no future but he managed to convince me to stay that not everyone that dates has to get married to that person. But am always thinking about it and it really bothers me yet it doesn't bother him. Recently I travelled to my home country and while there we broke up but i heard from him at least every other day and every time he was asking me back.Around this time my friend had a dinner party which he attended (i didnt attend cos i was out of the country) and at this party my friend's sister, cousins and friends were also present. The next day he invited some of my friend's female cousins and sister to his twitter (only the ones he spoke to at the party. He continued chatting with one particular cousin and asked her for her number and he offered to go and keep her company if she wanted cos she said she was bored. According to him we had broken up.When I got back he called me to his house to talk and we ended up getting back together. He mentioned girls that had wanted to get to know him while i was away and i asked him about the ones he had wanted to get to know himself - he said none. Now a few weeks ago I was talking to my friend and she told me to be careful cos he's been asking her cousin out. I asked him about it and denied it.Recently he was chatting to this cousin online and she asked him if he has a girlfriend - he says he answered her "yep" but she kept asking him over again and saying he didnt answer her question. And that at some point he got tired of her asking the same question and his cousin who lives with him took over the chat and continued chatting with the girl. My boyfriend says he didn't sign out of his twitter account and the next morning when his cousin woke up he went online - on my boyfriend's twitter account-and saw that my friend's cousin was online so he decided to continue where he stopped the night before. Telling her that he waited for her call the night before but she didn't call (he gave her his number before) and that she should give him her number, he answer if she'd go out with him. Throughout the chat the girl didn't know she was chatting to his cousin and not him. Now my boyfriend came and told me all this without any knowledge that i knew from my friend but notice that we were all going out the next day with my friend and her cousin and my other friends. The girl says that he has continued to ask her for her number all this time whenever she's online but he says he's only chatted to her three times and the 2nd time he only asked her how she was. He doesn't see why am upset as he its like he cheated or has slept with anyone.Please help i need some advice... sorry about the long message i hope it makes sense.
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female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (22 January 2010):
 You have already given him the go ahead to date others. By telling him you see no future with him and wanting to break up, he sees you as "temporary". When he does find another gal, then he can walk away from you easily. Why are you upset about him getting on with his life and attempting to find someone he is interested in and might be interested in him? You can't have one foot on the platform and the other on the train. You are trying to control him even though you aren't interested in him. Leave him completely and let him get on with his life.
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