A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29 my boyfriend of three yrs.is 37. He has raised my three yr. old son since the age of five months. I love him very much and find it difficult to leave him though at times think I should. He is verbally abusive to me, most of the time in discussion referring to me as "bitch" or "hoe". Stating he doesnt mean it, it's just the way he talks. At first he was in no way like this. Friends have said never would I have tolerated this in the past from anyone, yet I allow this from him. I want to accept that he doesnt mean this literally it's just his background and unfourtonate upbringing but it's rude, disrespectful and embarrassing since he does not refrain around friends or in public. He drinks from sun up to sun down, and within the last several months sex is horrible. He's always had a problem with masterbation, he do it when I would be at work, getting caught masterbating in bed when he thought I was sleeping, that in fact just happened last night and actually says he'd rather masterbate than have sex, because it less stress. I usually get my orgasm from him fingering me like were adolecents. He'll never get on top, or any other position except me doing him. I perform oral on him in long durations nightly in hopes of doing somthing..but still nothing. He never kisses me and shuns at cuddling and hugging. As you can imagine my feelings...I'm discusted. I'm good looking and never ever had issues like this. Seeing him leave would break my heart. I love him and he's the one thing he is, is a great father...help.
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female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (11 September 2008):
 I think us women put up with so much from our men because we love them so much. We excuse bad behavior because we tend to look at the good and ignore the bad.
What it comes down to is how do you value yourself?
Obviously he is degrading you. Are you going to put up with the abuse? Unfortunately, by putting up with it, the men kind of disrespect us more for not respecting ourselves.
I know it's hard to leave, because you might secretly think you will not find another man that will love your son like he does. And the thought about being a single mom is a scary thought. He knows he has this leverage over you and i believe he himself think you will never leave.
You've never had problems like this, but maybe throughout the years, he slowly killed your self-esteem because he is insecure with himself. Whatever the case, you asked for help but not specific on the question.
Do you want to know if you should stay or leave?
I say leave because you are worth more than some man to call you a hoe or bitch. But only you can decide, it takes a lot of courage to change. best of luck
A
female
reader, femalespicolli +, writes (11 September 2008):
 I don't want to offend you, but how can this man be a great father when he calls you a "bitch" or a "hoe" in public? Or drinks from sun up to sun down, and has a problem with masturbation?
This guy has no respect for you and it definately shows in his language and the way that he treats you. This will influence your child in a very negative way...
It seems like you are a very smart woman and your friends are probably right when they said that you wouldn't take this from any other man--only because this guy has you under his thumb. I think that you should leave this guy if you are discusted and embarrassed. do it for yourself!
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A
female
reader, ItsEmma +, writes (11 September 2008):
 Oh girl, please leave him! You deserve so much better than that! If he didn't do that to you when you first started, and it got worse, then isn't it possible to say it will CONTINUE to get worse? The things he does to you make me cringe, because they're so disrespectful. Not to mention he sounds like a pig. Talk to him, I guess, (even though I'm assuming you already have), then dump him.
~Emma
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): i myself seem to be in some what the same situation,same pattern,same events just less of the verbal abuse,but he is going to get his just deserts as i am not putting up with it no more and have decided i am worth more than the little he gives to me and i am getting out,you should consider the same
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