A
female
age
41-50,
*nkitajain
writes:Hi all, I am ankita from India. I have just got engaged a months back (It will be an arranged marriage) and the boy is working in a different city (So we dont meet actually). He calls me nearly everyday but we talk for just 10-12 minutes. Initially, I used to feel that may be he just a bit shy/introvert or he just needs time to adjust to these things and it will improve with time, but my perception was wrong, it is still very much same. He sometimes sound very enthusiastic or romatic and sometime as if this relationship is a burden for him. Even his parents side- Although the date for marriage was decided by them only (they initiated the whole thing, eventhough we were quite) but after that they havent called us once.Now I dont know whether he is happy or he gets tired after the day's hectic schedule or he is not satisfied or he doesnot wish to continue this- I dont know!! We both belong to conservative families, so I cannot directly ask him anything like that(Fear that may be he will tell his family about this).I dont know what to do-just wait, continue the relationship ot break that (which will be difficult but better for both of us) or it is just my doubt?? And why do men behave like that-Is it just the commitment phobia or he is behaving normally and my thinking is wrong??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2007): she just said she can't ask him, it's not accepted.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (31 May 2007):
 This kind of situation is a very tough one to handle, especially if you are not seeing each other as a non-religous relationship would. I can see so many problems with this scenerio and i dont blame anyone in your or his position to feel anxious, terrified or even just aprehensive about all this.
Is it possible you can meet him more and get to know him on a more personal level? i dont mean sex or anything, but have the time together in person where you can really talk about each other and learn too at the same time. (i dont know if this is allowed as i am unsure as to what religion you are part of).
Fear and doubt is a natural feeling, especially when you dont really know the person you are about to spend the rest of your life with. On top of that you have the families expectations and that is probably the biggest stress of them all.
Just understand that even if you are feeling fairly cormfortable with the situation he might not be as cormfortable as you feel.
I wish you all the best and hope it all works out for you both...
R
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (31 May 2007):
 If you believe that it is better for you both then maybe breaking this engagement off is the best thing to do - it wont be easy though if your parents expect this off you.
It could be he feels pressured into marrying you as much as you do him.
How about calling him and asking how he feels about this whole arranged marriage?
xxxx
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