A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering if my ex manipulated our counselor that we went to only once. I said I felt like I could never be enough or make my ex happy-because that's exactly how he expressed it 95% of the time. I also said how my ex had inappropriately asked if he could violate me (when he knew i was sexually assaulted by my previous ex). and the counselor just looked at him funny, but then only said that there was nothing too major or out of the ordinary that he saw that we needed to work on. i know that it was more scary than that, though, there were times he was so angry with me that he would slam the door or table with pans. when i told the counselor that he asked my ex why he did that and my ex said to scare me. call me crazy, but was the counselor just as messed up? or could he too see that my ex was emotionally abusive? i just felt like they were attacking me b/c the counselor asked if i just think guys are big and scary b/c my dad was verbally abusive. he talked about it until i cried, which made it look like i'm the one with issues, but really i don't think our counselor was seeing the big picture that my ex was that way too. What do you think?
View related questions:
emotionally abusive, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 Do you know that for prison work they don't want people who have follow psychology in school? Why not? Because these types are often far more interested in finding themselves then just in doing their job.
There are a lot of bad eggs in that industry because there really ain't any hard standards by which they be tested. A broken leg is a broken leg and you can see how it was before and after on a x-ray. A broken marriage is far more difficult to analyze. For that matter you could easily find a dozen different "solutions" out there all with their own fans and detractors.
Yeah, from what you say it sounds like he was taking sides. Not uncommon, but very unprofessional.
The bit about violating you (I presume this means roleplay rape, because it could also mean that your husband asked to have sex with you with your consent, being "violated" can be used as a description of all sex if you are puritan enough) yes that makes me think this counselor has a chip on his shoulder. Sadly far from uncommon. You even see it in judges who let their private opinion slip in to their judgement.
Yes I think he was pretty bad although I have to add that I only got your version of what happened. If that is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth then you are right.
A
female
reader, Raechel +, writes (27 June 2008):
 I noticed you said "he" meaning your counselor was male.
Eek.
Even your counselor HIMSELF would have to admit that it's even been statistically proven that counselors always [unintentionally] automatically side with the same sex client of theirs.
My mother and father [before they divorced 15 years ago] went to several counselors because they kept getting stuck with males who always DOWNPLAYED my dad's horrible drunken episodes.
Males always "comfort" eachother..if you wanna call it that.
The male counselors usually perceive the woman client as being "dramatic" or having an "underlying fear" and look past what is REALLY going on.
The second my mom switched to a female counselor things started changing.
The woman counselor pointed out to my father EVERYTHING wrong that he was doing to the family.....the very things that all of the male counselors would just act nonchalant about.
Men are controlling by nature.
Men are powerful and cocky by nature.
..There are always exceptions, but MOST males..even the NICEST males.. are victims of bad tempers and not realizing/admitting when they're wrong..Therefore, going to ANOTHER male for support and some sort of a back up ochestra for you is NOT a good idea. You need a woman like yourself to lay it out on the table.
Hope that helped sweety.
...............................
|
