A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently dating a guy who I like a lot. I have a feeling that he may have "got around" a bit when he was younger, but to be honest I just simply do not want to know. Is it immature for me to be thinking like this? Do you think it's important to know your partner's sexual past? I just think it may cause problems or lead to me being even more insecure(I don't mean STD wise because obviously we should all be being careful)Views appreciated. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): I don't think that it's anyone's business, and that it can creat alot more problems... does it really matter than my ex-wife was into alot of wild stuff - with multiple players, at the same time...
My wife's never asked and I've never offered... I'm not going to request any of these activities as I'm soooo over all that, and frankly - life is better today!
When I was dating all I cared about was that the woman wanted to be with me and that she carried herself with respect. I've never worried was I someone's 3rd, 4th... or 24th... so long as they took care of themselves, and were tested...
A
male
reader, Snoopy99  +, writes (30 September 2009):
I totally disagree with the last poster - no offence.
I think your (or anyone's) partner's sexual past is irrelevant. So what if anyone's 'been around'? They just haven't met you yet. Judge your boyfriend on how he treats you and how you feel with him.
Why dig up old dalliances and feel bad in yourself about situations that had absolutely nothing to do with your life, then or now?
It's all about the here and now, not what someone might have done in the past. Which, to be blunt, isn't really your business - the same way that your past isn't for him to judge or fret over.
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 I will be the first dissenting opinion on this one. I am married, but if for whatever reason I would ever have to end up divorced in my life, then yes, I would definitely ask about their sexual past! I would want to know, and as early as possible, too! And I would want my partner to know about mine! And I would want us both to be honest! This is the only way to get to know who you are with! When sex is such a big issue in relationships, who are we kidding saying that it is not important to know what exactly it is that we are putting our hearts into! I think that by avoiding these questions and by not answering it honestly to each other, is when we hurt each other the most. Transparency is best in this area. Anything that might be shocking to you should you hear it later (and if you plan to be together for ever you better bet that there will be plenty of opportunities for "later" in conversations and such), should be heard before you have foolhardily given your heart into the hands of something you cannot come to terms with!
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A
female
reader, patient66  +, writes (29 September 2009):
If you think it will bother you or hurt you then no need to know, as long he gets tested. you dont need to know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Some things are best left unopened. What's in the past is always going to be in the past. It will have little bearing on the future, which is what you should be concentrating on.
Maybe he did get around a bit in the past, maybe he didn't, but whatever he did is what makes him what he is today. Don't go asking questions about what you might not like the answers to.
I think it's important that you don't know about your partner's sexual past. What you don't know won't upset you. Best not to ask too many questions. Start with a clean slate.
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