A
female
age
51-59,
*hikiraclare
writes:I will try to be breif.Currently going out with a man who I really like in every way after a year of being friends but is wanting to take things very slowly (which is great) and means that he must like me a lot.However; he wants a lot of female attention and always talks to me about his effect on women (as if he needs validation from them) and I act as if am ignoring it or laugh at it but find it upsetting sometimes when we haven't even yet begun a sexual relationship. I am trying to keep cool with him and show him that I have a life of my own and have good self-esteem but it is hard when I struggle to feel great about myself when he doesn't tell me nice things that attracts him to me.I began do the chasing but backed off when I realized that this wasn't a good thing to do, and am now getting him to do the chasing which he is enjoying but still feel him to be slow in coming forward with me and am not sure what is the best way I can make myself unnatainable so that it pushes him in the direction I would like him to go. He is definitely very attracted to me in every way and have taken him by surprise before now and am gaining emotional connection with him which is vital. I stay also stay out most of the day (to maintain independance); talk with men friends and remain intriguining as much as possible but I feel that I need to do more.He has been rejected in the past and yet; I have never rejected him or made him think that I would and discussed it with him and why he finds it hard to make a move on me sexually but really wants to. He tells me that he wants me and that he fancies me hugely but why then do I feel like that it is going to take forever for him to share himself with me on a more intimate level?. What am I doing or not doing that is causing this and is there a future in this relationship or is he just not that into me and not telling me the truth as oppossed to trust issues?
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female
reader, shikiraclare +, writes (28 October 2009):
shikiraclare is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your supportive answers.
I'd really like to give him an ultimatum but that would just push him further away as men don't like being put under pressure so that is out of the question for me. The constant need for approval from other women and him wanting to be considered desirable by them isn't something many women can deal with (and so far I have) because I know that his attraction for me is getting him to ask himself why is he now suddenly desirable to women? - his self esteem is growing but so is his ego, so my challenge now is to give him what he wants of me but without giving him everything
and sure enough he can reach his own decision as to whether
or not he is going to commit more or not.
I like the boxer-short thing - you are immaginative and have the same sense of adventerous nature as me but that would definitely make him run a mile! - Thanks for saying that you hope it works out for me; I hope so too and it is sad to read some of the articles on here about how men and women are having a hard time in their own love lives, but a lot of these things are self-esteem based in my opinion.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): No more time should be used up... Call his bluff this time, if he says he wants you then say ok meet me at my house at 8pm tonight and wear some sexy boxers... So when he comes over have your cute stuff on and go to bed with him.. but you have done so much ad everything you could no more games just give it to him straight. Have a drink with him and say you know what tonight is your one and only chance so come on over, but now hes chasing you so let yourself be caught and take it tothe next level or step.. Stop wasting any more time... go for it, its now or never.. Its almost the Holidays so say something off the chart and see if he bites then make a move. You can do it.... Do it this week ok...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): Wow, I went through the same thing with a man. I adored him as he was such a gentlemen,so nice, but I had to initiate everything sexually as he did not have alot of experience although he was in his forties. From my own experience, it can become frustrating and does make you feel insecure because the women thinks it is her. It is not you, but there is something he is dealing with such as enourmous insecurity? Is this why he needs validation? I think you are doing everything right. You sound like you are working so hard on this, but hopefully he is reciprocating. I hope it works out for you!
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