A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.. I guess I will start off with some background info on my LDR. This may be a little lengthy, so please bear with me :)I met this guy online. He lives in the USA, I live in Australia. I have known him since Dec 2009 and we have pretty much spoken everyday since then. We were simply just internet buddies until about January this year. We had been getting closer and closer since he stopped seeing his "emotional companion" (his words, not mine) in October.In January, he decided that he wanted to come visit me. However, he has never been overseas, or traveled alone before. He asked me when would be the best time to visit, I told him around March/April, before winter comes along. SO in my mind, this is when I thought he was gonna come.Obviously now it's May. He needs to have his passport done before we can book tickets. The only thing he needs to do is send in his forms (he says he has all the paperwork done, photos been taken). But he just isn't doing it. The more I pressure him and push him to do it, the further he distances himself from me. I gave him an ultimatum a few weeks ago, and he still didn't do it and we didn't talk for a week. The reason he tells me he hasn't done it, is because he's scared of flying and he's scared of falling in love with me. It's not that we don't have enough money to travel, or that one of us has work or school. Everything is good to go. He also said he's scared that I won't like him when he gets here (which is so far from the truth). He also has ADHD and does suffer from some paranoia/anxiety from time to time. He smokes weed to sort of mellow him out.His nature is to be laid-back about things. He is a music producer, so he works at his own pace. I think he feels that he needs to do this at his own pace as well. I want to see him as soon as possible though and feel like he is wasting my time. I know though that if we were to meet, we would get along so well and we'd have a lot of chemistry. My problem is that being so close to him emotionally makes me long to have him here with me physically and it makes me very depressed sometimes, because I feel like I have no one. The idea to see other people has crossed my mind numerous times, but I never follow through. We're committed to each other, but I feel like there's no point if there's going to be no follow-through on his word to visit me.I'm supposed to be traveling to Europe in July with a friend, but my friend is unsure, and nothing has been booked at the moment. I was considering going to visit him instead if my friend couldn't come with me.I'm sorry this is long.. this wasn't really a question. I'm just looking for some outsiders opinions on my situation. My friends have told me that it's not really fair of him to keep me waiting like this with no promise as to when he'll be here. I'm just a little confused as to what I should do :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2011): I've gone through a very similar situation myself, though I was the one afraid to make the trip to see my girlfriend for the first time. He's obviously very insecure about his appearance, and speaking from experience, that's probably the primary thing stopping him from going to see you.For me, what made me finally take that leap, was how amazingly my girlfriend boosted my confidence. When we were or weren't web-camming, she'd ALWAYS compliment me, stare at me, told me how much she loved me and just generally made me feel better about myself. I did the same! I'd tell her how beautiful she was at least a few million times a day, never ever said a remotely negative thing about her appearance, couldn't take my eyes off her, and in time, she was more confident too!It took us over a year to finally meet. Best thing I ever did. We're still together and plan on seeing each other again much more often.Maybe you should try boosting his confidence more. Don't give up on him just yet! Eventually he'll find the courage to go and see you.
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