A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do you think it is fair to be with someone if you are not over your ex, I realise that you havam in this situation and I have realised that I have to move on. Afterall, my ex had his chance! I have heard that you it is better to be with the one that loves you the most than be with the one you love the most. Anyone got any comment or advice on this?I cant stop thinking about my ex, it has been 6 months, but I still love him, and he says he still loves me. My current boyfriend has never let me down so far and thinks the world of me, but I still think about my ex all the time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): I can see why people do what you are doing, but its very dangerous, its not fair on your current boyfreind, if you hearts not in it you shouldnt be with him.
I was once in a situtation exactlly like the one you are in now, my ex gf was using me as a re-bound to get over her ex, when i found out it completley and utterly destroyed me, to the point councilling was needed.
You need to think about this guy your with now, he deserves better and what you are doing is wrong, i would recomend you talk things over with him and be very careful as not to hurt him too much.
You either give it 100% with him or nothing
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): Relationships that form while one of the partners is still on the rebound oftentimes only end in disaster. Trust me, I know! I had a relationship with one guy when I was just trying to get myself out of a relationship with a married man. It just so happened that this new guy was also trying to get over his recent breakup with his girlfriend back then. We hang out for a few drinks and to maybe have someone to talk to and get close to. We never talked about commitment or made plans to be together for a long time. Finally, in 3 months, I got pregnant and since it was a non-committal relationship, I one day told him the truth about the baby and did not pressure him to marry me or even to continue the relationship. To cut the story short, we split up, I was left alone to raise the baby, and never tried to get back with him or asked for any child support. Now my daughter's grown up, I've since moved on, finally married a wonderful man. An unusual twist to the story however, suddenly, my daughter found his birth dad and now they're trying to work on their relationship. Sometimes I feel left out in all these, thinking that had we been matured enough when we started, it would have been a happy ending maybe for me, my daughter and her birth dad. On the other hand, one can not predict the future and can not say if things had turned out differently. My point is, we met at a time in our lives when we were confused and both trying to recover from pain from relationships that were not working. We were still involved emotionally and mentally with the people we were trying to leave behind. It wasn't fair to me back then, and it wasn't fair to him as well. We both didn't need to go through many years of insecurity, guilt, pain and bitterness, because we entered a relationship half heartedly and never were able to love each other completely. Our only consolation is that we have a beautiful daughter and maybe it's not too late to correct what went wrong before. I do not picture myself as having a loving relationship with my daughter's birth dad, but only one that is friendly and perhaps a little nurturing for my daughter's sake. He is also happily married now like I am and we are more focused on how to give our daughter the best of both worlds, his and mine. My advise to those who are on the rebound, work on your own happiness before getting involved with someone else. Save yourself some heartaches, and the other person too. Work on your own pain first before you ask someone else to join you in your misery.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments. I was talking to a work colleague about the situation and she told me to stick to my current boyfriend as it is best to be with the one that loves you the most than be with the one you love the most!
I have just had a chat with my boyfriend and told him everything, the reason I am thinking about my ex is because he dumped me, I moved on, and he has just contacted me out of the blue saying he still loves me, it has messed my head up! I told my boyfriend today and he wants to stick with me, give me some space and try to make it work. I want to move on, so we are going to take it slow, at least he knows the truth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): "it is better to be with the one that loves you the most than be with the one you love the most."
I think that is quite a disturbing comment, from someone who is clearly insecure, been hurt, and is afraid of being in love. I genuingly feel sorry for anyone who looks at relationships in that way.
Personally I think your message comes off as a little cruel, you are dating a decent guy, whilst still openly loving and being loved by your ex. You too are insecure like the person who gave you the above advice.
You are using you current boyfriend as an emotional blanket, to make yourself feel better. He deserves better - a girlfriend who loves him in the way that you seemingly love your ex. You are going to end up being very hurt, or causing a lot of heartache if you don't stand up and do the right thing.
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