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male
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anonymous
writes: M26 F20, My partner of 3 years wants to spend Christmas and her 21st birthday with her family (she was born on Christmas day). We have just moved to a new town which is 14 hours drive from her parents' house. I have two problems, 1. She knows that we both can't go and I will be left alone in this new town for Christmas. 2. We can't really afford for her to go for so many days etc due to money being short because of the move.Her brother lives in this town and said he would stay up here for her Birthday but she wants all her family. She did give them enough notice to come up here but they didn't want to.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (30 October 2005):
 Hmm.. You dont say the reason why you both cant go ? Is there no way that you can compromise on this situation ? Its going to be tough if you cant come to an arrangement that suits the both of you. I can understand that she would want to be with her family, but at the same time cant understand that she would be prepared to leave you all alone, you have been together quite along time is there no way you can talk about this ? Perhaps you didnt think the move through enough and shes mising her family and feels that going to them for christmas will make her feel better ? Do you not get on with her parents ? Maybe there is a way that for just this one time you can all get on for her sake if this is the case ? Its harsh that they dont want to come to you is there any reason for that... without knowing why you cant both go its a bit difficult to advise,,, you need to chat to her about it and clear the air let her know that its upsetting you, she may not realise the affect its having on you as shes too concerned with doing what she wants,. for a relationship to work no matter what stage you are at needs compromise, have a chat and see if there is a way around this... perhaps she could spend christmas day with them and the rest of the time with you.. try and get her to meet you half way and its really not fair if a partner has it all their own way especially at a time like christmas, the worst rows do start over christmas and families, i know they do in my family, but its all about getting the medium ground. I cant really offer much more help other than to chat about it...if you cant get through then just let her go and you may have to sit back and see where you relationship is headed once christmas is all over, i can understand that you dont want to be the oger in all this, but shes gotta understand you have feelings too. See if you can work this out, you have a couple of months, things can change, but let her know that its upsetting you and you want to be apart of her christmas too.
Hope some of this made sense and you do work something out.
Take care
X x
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female
reader, not again +, writes (30 October 2005):
is the reason that you guys cant both go cos of money? Get a loan!!! This is her 21st, man!!! thats a big event, and she should be able to do it however she pleases! And if she wants to be with her family then thats great! It is a family time- they have grown up with her, her parents gave birth to her! And this is a chance for everyone to celebrate her adulthood! Are you sure that there is not a way that you can all be togetehr at her family? I know money is tight after a move but sometimes you cant put a price on things! I know it will be lonely if you stay in a new town- but it might also be a bitter time if you resent her going- and you may be jealous of all the fun theyre having!! I say go do everything you possibly can to celebrtate with her at her families. And if you cant go, then either go to a local church or community group and see if there are any group celebrations in your new town for xmas day, or volunteer helping at the local jail/ homeless shelter- that would be a really rewarding xmas!! best wishes.
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