A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've never really just dated before. So far my relationships have been monogomous and long-term. However, for the first time I am finding myself dating two men. I like them both and am trying to avoid being with one person again until I'm sure it is worth it. I just feel bad because I have not discussed it with either of them. I guess its been awhile since I've even found one person worth dating, so I didn't expect either of these relationships to work out. Somehow they both seem like they may. I want to be in an open relationship with both of them, but now I feel like I may lose one or both if I tell them about the other. When we are together, it feels very coupley and I don't know whether they are seeing other people or not. Am I being dishonest? How do I bring this up without upsetting them or making myself seem untrustworthy? I've never cheated on anyone before and am not having intercourse with either of the men I am seeing now and won't until I make my decision. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I agree with ask oldersister, completely.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Hi there,
As a guy, I personally would break up with you if you admitted you were dating someone else. To me it would be obvious, why go to all the effort when she is going to be smooching with another guy the next night when I can get a date with a girl who won't be comparing me to another suitor.
I say this not because I feel what you are doing is dishonest or wrong but merely because I would feel that I would have not made enough of an impression on you to get you to commit to me solely - it would be quite a kick to the self confidence .
The fact that you haven't slept with either guy stands you in good steed as well, as you aren't fully commiting yourself just yet, but you know you have to make a decision soon. I wouldn't tell either of them, I don't see what benefit there could be. You most likely will lose the one who really is into you as he will be the most hurt. So keep it to yourself and make your decision soon, you don't want to bump into guy no.1 when you are walking down the street arm in arm with guy no.2.!!
Good luck.!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): I prefer one on one dating, otherwise, your just friends in a social circle. Dating more then one, can make the other feeling they are in competion, that they need to outperform the other, I don't play that game, I would move on and rejoin the social circle.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 If you still have not decided who you want ,
it is not dishonest. This is my own opinion.
You need to choose carefully because it will affect your lifelong happiness.
You may or may not lose them when they come to know about the situation.
But if one were to pull out,
then it will be easy for you to decide who you want.
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