A
female
age
30-35,
*bonyBlossom
writes:Recently, I seem to have read a lot of problems, on this website and in magazines etc, about men losing interest in sex completely after they've had kids.I really want to have kids in the future with my boyfriend and I know he wants them too. However we're only 18 and 21 and I want to go to uni so there's no point in talking about this issue so far in advance.So what I'd like to know is, is it common for a man to lose interest in sex with his partner after she's given birth? Why does this happen and how long does it last? Is this problem easily overcome?Male opinions will be particularly appreciated here =]
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): my suggestion is to keep child birth and male partner separate. my position: i don't like to get involved in it and i know men who will support their wife but not get into pregnancy 24x7 like women do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): Men don't go off sex because they see childbirth or because a woman's body is somehow be ruined by pregnancy. Otherwise couples would only every have one child.Children, on the other hand, are a huge dampener on sex. Firstly, they are a lot of work and no one feels like sex when they are bone tired. Secondly, there's simply less opportunity -- it's not like you can make out on the lounge when you have kids. Thirdly, life with kids suddenly means getting serious about a lot of things, and so you can find yourself worrying about finances and other concerns which just kill any romantic mood.The decrease in sex can cause a lot of resentment, usually by the male, but not unknown with women too. This can become a self-perpetuating cycle, with the resentful partner deciding that not initiating sex is better than yet more rejection.I hope you can see that sex does change after the arrival of kids (either from childbirth or from blending families). But that a complete abandonment of sex would be from emotions arising from the relationship, not from superficialities like looks. If your relationship is open to communication, is caring and is sensible then you'll be fine,
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (16 May 2010):
EbonyBlossom is verified as being by the original poster of the question I think you may have slightly misunderstood my question. I mean when you've got a baby you're hardly ever gonna be in the mood for sex. But recently I've been reading and hearing about men losing interest in sex with their partner long term and it's all started since their first child was born. Does pregnancy take that much toll on a woman's body that her partner will never want sex with her again? Or are men completely put off once they've seen child birth? When I have kids I want their dad to be at the birth but I don't want a sexless future as soon as I become a mum.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 If you ever worked in a butchery, you might not feel the need to eat meat. Not after you have seen how it is made. Same thing with child birth. There is a reason why for centuries men were kept out of the loop. Now I am not squemish, I could eat a nice juicy burger next to a half rotting cow corpse and have. But I can imagine that seeing your petite gentle little girl in child birth could change your view of it all. Suddenly you realize where they got the inspiration for Alien from, but that movie was less bloody because there are somethings you just can't show to people. Quick show of hands, how many know about AFTER birth or what the skin of woman's stomach looks like after it suddenly deflated?And can you still kiss her nipples if warm milk comes out? Then there is the practical, you might just be to knackered with a new born to have sex. Suddenly your girlfriend, your wife, is a mother. And you do not do your mother.So yes, a lot of men have problems in this area. How common is it? Hard to say. Does it count if the women says "not tonight I am to tired" and he says "Oh, thank god!"?Is it easily overcome? 2.5 children seems to be the average in the west, so I would presume most couples overcome it, or the women find substitutes.I think it is mostly an issue with people who have become to distanced from reality. If you can't eat meat carved from a corpse that is looking at you with glazed eyes, the realities of child birth might shock you. And suddenly finding that milk does not come from the factory after all might alter your perception of the real world.Considering more rural women tended to have a dozen or more kids, I would presume not all men are so squemish. Real men are in before the after birth is out :p
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (16 May 2010):
 I think the question should be 'is it common for a woman to lose interest after childbirth'...a baby is delightful but very hard work - feeding, changing, waking at night...it can make men and women feel that there are more priorities in life than sex like getting to sleep while you can. Women may not want that sort of contact after the birth because they may feel unhappy about their body shape or physically sore from labour or just plain old shattered tired. If they project this on a man then he won't bother asking for sex if he is gent. Personally I wasn't interested for months after having a baby and my husband was respectful enough not to pressure me. I don't think men not wanting sex after birth is a common problem - the human race would be surely much smaller if everyone stopped have sex after they had just one baby!
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