A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So. I'm into a guy friend of mine. We're both 19. Pretty sure he knows (all our friends know). We hang out a lot and do stuff together and talk quite a bit, but so far he really hasn't been the initiator for a whole lot of it, although he seems to enjoy whatever we do when I get it started. Although I get the vibe that maybe he's interested back, he hasn't come out and said so. He is *extremely* shy and socially awkward, which could be a factor. Probably the most frustrating thing for me is the fact that he won't react when I try to engage him physically. While he doesn't seem to mind at all when I play with his hair, put my head on his shoulder, draw on his hands, etc, he doesn't react a whole lot to any of those things either, or at least he doesn't start any physical contact on his own. (Although he will hug me goodbye without any prompting from me now... making progress, I think?)This has been going on for a few months and I'm getting frustrated. I don't know what his feelings are and, as fond as I am of him, I'm getting tired of feeling like the "man" in the relationship. Something's got to change or else I'll go crazy, and I'm caught between two choices: either I can tell him straight up how I'm feeling and see how he reacts, or else I can pull way back, stop hanging out and showing him attention/physical affection so much, and see if he mans up enough to ask me out properly. It would be much quicker and simpler to just tell him, and I like the assertive "go after what you want" attitude, but I'm scared of making things awkward between us and honestly don't know if I actually have the (metaphorical) balls to do it. On the other hand, I'm curious to see how he would react if I cooled off towards him a bit, if he would care enough to pursue me, but that seems a lot like playing games to me, which I don't really like the idea of - it seems dishonest, manipulative and like a waste of time, plus I'm just no good at head games anyways. But "step back and let him be the man" is the advice I hear a lot.What do you think? Reasons? Thank you so much. :)
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 Shy guy is not a mind reader. Why don't you spill the beans to him?
Shy guy may also fear that you will reject him.
Would you let the good guy go just because you did not dare to speak?
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 My advice is to not pursue him. He seems to lack confidence and initiative. You will over time find his behavior soft n woosy and will be turned off by him. He seems to show interest but does lack some communication skills. If this was a relationship youd be nagging on him and he would be the doormat. Stay away.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 My gut feeling is that your friend is not that interested in you. I'm sure he likes your company, talking to you etc but he's not interested the way you want him to be. You've given him a lot and he hasn't reciprocated. It doesn't matter that he's shy or socially awkward or any of that...if he was into you he would have by now done something about it.
I'm also sure he knows how you feel, or at least has some idea. If he truly felt the same, you would know it by now.
I had a friend like this in high school (perhaps not as close as you two) and I debated with myself constantly. He'd flirt with me, hang out with me, we even went to a school dance together. But he never asked me out or told me he liked me. Why not? Because he didn't feel that way about me. How do I know? I told him how I felt!!
Anyway, you have two choices. Continue as you are and hope he starts taking an interest in you or tell him how you feel. The first is not going to take you anywhere and the second, well, that knowledge will give him a lot of power over you.
I don't recommend you pull away because that won't achieve anything. He might not know why you're doing it and even if he comes after you, you still won't know if it's because of your friendship or some deeper feelings on his part.
So what do you do? If you're like me and you just have to know, then tell him. If he feels the same, awesome! If not, you'll at least know and can then set your sights on someone else.
You strike me as an intelligent young woman and my gut feeling is that you'll want to sort this out sooner than later.
And if he's not interested, don't worry about it too much...there'll be plenty of others :)
Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): I think you should let him be the one to come to you. My reason for saying that are simply that from my experience, guys tend to play games when they know that they "have you", I have just gone through that and it is torture. Once a guy knows that you really like him, he can keep stringing you along for the fun of it, even a guy who think is amazing and sweet and the whole nice guy thing too. It's humiliating and heartbreaking when you realise that just liked the attention and ego boost that you gave him, rather than actually liking you.
As I said I have just gone through this, and never again will I allow myself to make a move on any guy, if he can't make the move on me then he doesn't get anywhere with me. I hope this helps, good Luck
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