A
male
age
,
*ildman
writes:Is it best to put up with a crappy marriage with little or no sex or venture out for a wilder woman and take your lumps? I have tried a lot of solutions but everything stays the same. We are alone now that the kids are moved out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Let me answer this from a wifes point of view. I can relate to kids getting older (although mine are still at home and not all that age yet), but my husband recently experienced the midlife crisis stage. He told me he wanted out to be on his own. Was in communication with another woman at this stage. Told me ususal things like questioning where life was going, never doubted loving me. Said our sex life was non existent. This brought reality home and I went into overdrive. I started to reinvent myself so he would notice ma gain. All my adult life my priorities were for my children and I got left behind. So I started getting my hair cut, having my nails done. loosing weight. But more importantly whilst I always enjoyed sex it was never that frequent. So I made the effort to try to keep my husband and stepped up my efforts to fulfill our sex life. Sex went from maybe once a fortnight to twice a day. This surprised me as I enjoyed it and I thought I would have to force myself to maintain this, but several weeks down the line it is great. So my advice is maybe your wife needed a jolt and this is what it took. I know it was with me. It is ultimately up to you to decide who to be with but if you still love her then maybe you may regret giving up the opportunity to find out.
A
male
reader, obliv  +, writes (4 March 2008):
I really feel for you here. I have been in the same situation and I am myself in a new situation altogether ! Maybe we could help each other come up with some solutions!!
I was married for 13 years, had 3 kids. In general the relationship was fine, it had its moments like any other and we even split up several times but always got back together. The main issue in the relationship that caused the majority of the arguments (from my point of view) was the lack of sex. Even when we did have sex it was the same routine each time. I knew that there would be only 2 positions at the most, I knew what I could and couldnt have. I, like you say, have tried and tried to spruce things up in several ways but she was neither interested or even concerned as to how much it was upsetting me. In the end we had an argument and I moved out (but this time I never went back).
Currently I am now with a new partner and the sex is everything and more that I ever could ask for, even the relationship itself is great but something is holding me back and as much as I hate to admit it, its the wife. She is asking me to come back to her and she has now seen the "error of her ways". She wants us to try again and claims it could and will work out. Since splitting up she has had another child herself and the father is not around, he wants nothing to do with it or her. However as a regular GOOD dad myself I visit every other day to see my own kids and the new one who is adorable. This is having a very emotionaly reaction to me and is making me think about going back to be a "family" and be there 24/7. This is scary for me as I know in my head as much as im sure it could work out (at least for the first 6 months) things will only be the same in the bedroom, or I will be comparing the ex wife to the current girlfriend. I cant decide myself on what to do and reading your question I can only see the same possibly happening to you. Albeit your kids are grown up now.
The more I think about it on answering your question, I would advise that now all the kids are grown up and left home you have nothing to lose on finding happiness, this is kinda answering my own question in a way as my kids will grow up and I will be left with a sexless marriage, or lack of what I like to have in the bedroom.
All I know for sure is that life is too short, your a long time dead and you only have one shot at life. Make the most of it. Yes you may be selfish in your choices but why should you not be?....after all its you the one who has to live the life.
I hope this has given you something to think about anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2008): Why don't you be a man and find out! You're obviously not happy if you describe your marriage as crappy, so get single and do you and your wife a faovour!
I would hate to be someone's fallback safety net, your wife deserves better.
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A
male
reader, wildman +, writes (3 March 2008):
wildman is verified as being by the original poster of the question I guess sex isn't everything but it sure is a stress reliever. Taking lumps may be worse than no sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): The answer is simple, end your crappy marriage and move on to a happier life! x
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