A
male
age
41-50,
*onty
writes:Right people sorry if this is long but you need to know the full story to help on what is the toughest time of my life to date!!I went out with my ex girlfriend for 4 years and two months and on the whole we were very happy together, we were engaged and looking for a house together, I am 25 and she is 21.However about 3 months ago she placed upon me that I could only go out with my friends twice a month! I tried to do this but it eventually broke us up about a month ago.Now we both moved on with our lives with no contact with one another for about 3 weeks, then I get a phone call off her saying she is 5 months pregnant and keeping it! I've checked it all up and she is definitley pregnant and she told me as soon as she found out.The areas I need help on are:1. Should we try and get back together and make it work, because has she only become possesive due to her hormones?2. She wont speak to me at all, until she knows the baby is okay after the 20 week can in 2 weeks time, this is killing me because I want to make sure she is okay and look after her and the baby. Do I just need to wait now?Please can you help me, I am really down at the moment. I have always wanted a family, but not like this. I love kids to bits and I know I would make a great dad, but I dont know what to do for the best.I have a very good job and supporting the baby is not a problem. I just want to be part of a loving family but she is ignoring me, will she come round??Jonty x
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female
reader, dunno3214 +, writes (29 June 2008):
Hi there
Women are strange things, she may of been acting possesive because of the hormones and didnt realise it; whether or not this is the excuse you both still need to have friends and enjoy the time you spend out.
You need to be there for the baby and you need to discuss this when she is good and ready, dont push her otherwise she will push the other way, make her realise that you are happy with this and would like to make a go of it but you need to have your own friends and your own independence at the same time, you cant go through life being told what o do and its just not fair same with her aswell.
Give her time to calm down and then ask her to meet and go out somewhere for a coffee and discuss all the things you want to talk about. No doubt she still loves you so maybe a talk would do the world of good.
A
female
reader, Honesty? You have that with me +, writes (29 June 2008):
 Jonty this isnt your falut somtimes in relationships woman and men can become very wraped up in eachother and cant help but smother the freedom essential to your being by asking you to do as she asks and taking away as some time with your friends but it isnt healthy its obvious shes very insecure about the realationship,
This is a difficult time and you've offered her your help and love you have done your bit.
this seems to me like a way of reclaiming some power in the realationship but to be honest you'll have to let her be and give her time to think,
But this child is still your baby and you do have rights whatever the outcome of this maybe I would sugest some realtionship councilling for both of you before the babys born if shes willing you need to strike more of a balance and try not to dictate and control eachother as much cos that will only make friction and thats n good for your baby, good luck with everything take care =) x
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