A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have this friend who I have been friends with since I was literally 4 years old. We were both the naughty twosome and our parents did not like us hanging out together at school as we would sit and giggle in all our classes. We stayed friends until about 11 when I went to a different secondary school to her. However I was only at this secondary school for two years before I moved to one she was at and then a short while afterwards it was like we had never been apart. We started hanging out together again and getting into trouble - mainly just for silly things like giggling and messing around. After we left school we lost contact because we did different things - she got married and had a baby - I went to college and went out a lot with other friends.We did get back in contact with each other in my early twenties but over the next 7 or 8 years or so it was mainly sporadic contact.Then my mum invited her to my surprise 30th birthday party and we promised we would remain in touch after that. She was at the time (over the next year or so) in the process of splitting up from her husband. She no longer loved him but had two children with him. So we hung out a lot more over 2009 to 2010. I got with someone but we remained in touch and she left her husband and moved into her own place. a short time afterwards she got with this really possessive bad man who is no good for her whatsoever. So she is with this man. He is absolutely horrible to her. He is controlling and abusive. She has now been with him for 3 years. She is on a high dose of antidepressants. She says she wants to leave him but does nothing about it. She has admitted that she doesn't really love him and would actually be relieved if he left her. I am with a man that i have been with for two years and things are going well. Heres the tricky bit. So he is controlling and doesn't really like her having friends around. We have managed to see each other for roughly once a month since she has been with him but it always causes problems when we meet because he'll do things like start a row with her so that she is always in a bad place (been crying etc) when I see her. I kind of get the impression though that she is a little envious about me being with a stable man - nothing that i can really put my finger on, just a vibe from the questions she asks me like "have you had any rows?" and she once said that she didn't think he was good enough for me "looks-wise" as I admit he is not a stunner but he is lovely and I find him attractive, which sucks because she is the only one that can change her situation and she should be happy with me as she is meant to be one of my closest friends. Plus, whenever I ask to meet up there is always an issue with it but then when I look on facebook I see that she has met up with other friends. I haven't seen her for nearly two months now. I am gutted. Last time I saw her she wasn't in a very good place. She said that she was drinking a lot every night to block out her feelings about being in the relationship. We had a good laugh that night though and she always seems really pleased to see me. About a couple of weeks ago, a mutual friend said that she was having a get togehter at her house did she want to come (i was going as well) and she said that yes she would love to. But then said she couldn't get a babysitter. I text her and said it was a pity she couldn't come and I said we will have to meet up soon. The next night on facebook I see that she had put to our mutual friend "you and your kids are welcome round here whenever you like. just drop me a message". Anyways so last night I sent her a message just asking how her new job was etc, and she replied it was going well. Then I said "Oh i will have to pop round one night after work soon" and she hasn't even answered me!!I know its not purely down to her posessive boyfriend because I have also seen on facebook she is going out tonight with her other friend. I don't know. I just get the impression that because I am in a stable relationship with a nice man that she doesn't want to see me? or could this just be my imagination but what true friend would not reply when you say about popping round one evening - I haven't even seen her in two months!! Yet she can say to our mutual friend (who aren't close and never were) "come round whenever you like". Am I paranoid? SHould I forget her? or what do I do to resolve this situation? it is hurting me beyond belief at the moment and I am thinking what is wrong with me as to why she doesn't want my company
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female
reader, Fari +, writes (19 November 2014):
 I know this is hard. Yes it is possible she is a bit jealous of you. The reason is simply that you probably have everything that she needs/wants. She has had it rough lately and sometimes when you are going through a hard time , it is easy to hate and be envious of other people because you ask yourself why must I suffer and they don't? In her eyes, you appear to have it all and it would make her feel crappy at the moment. Its human nature.So what she does is distance herself from you. I've had friends who have seen my house and never ever want me to see theirs. I look at it as some misplaced envy as well as low self esteem. No matter what, I never turn my backs on or forget them because we have been friends for years. So to answer your question No, you are not paranoid and Don't let go of your friendship. Try to let her see the real you, offer her encouragement, continue to send her texts and letters, don't give up. Time heals all wounds. Give her some time to come around.
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