A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it bad to change my looks to get guys to notice me?I'm 19 and a sophomore in college, yet I have never had a boyfriend. I know I'm not the most attractive person out there, but I'm always extremely kind thinking my personality will outdo my looks. Unfortunately no guy has ever been even remotely interested in me. One of my methods at trying, is by wearing band t-shirts and movie t-shirts to try to get someone who shares a common interest, because basically me wearing the shirt is like me shouting it out loud. However, my mom and some of my friends tell me it's not girly enough. The problem is, I have some issues regarding wanting to impress but not wanting to change who I am. Band t-shirts are something I absolutely love. I am a music fanatic and I like to proudly show my interests. But when I'm told to wear more girly things, it seems like a put-down. Is it really my looks that guys are only interested in? I mean recently my attention was caught by a guy wearing a band t-shirt, which then brought me to his face which looks just like a musician I like. haha but the point is, I saw his band t-shirt and while I'm not particularly fond of the band, I listen to others that are similar and I really want to get to know this guy and see what other bands he's interested in. I found out that he likes one certain band because my friend told me he's going to their concert, and I found out he's a singer through Facebook and I just have this thing for musicians.To be honest I just want to learn more about him. I'm not necessarily looking to start a relationship, more like a friendship. But I'm an extremely shy person and my mind goes absolutely blank when I try to talk to guys, not to mention eye contact seriously makes me panic. The other problem is, I'm not exactly pretty. I mean at times I think I could be cute. So I tried makeup and even had my friend give me a make-over, which did look REALLY good, but for some reason, wearing that much make up (which really wasn't a whole lot) made me feel like I was trying to be someone I'm not. I know make-up doesn't change who I am but somehow it makes me feel like I'm covering up the real me. Plus I wear glasses but everyone tells me I look better without them. I tried contacts, but the eye doctor wanted to put them in for me and I can't have other people's fingers in my eye. So I haven't tried since, but now I'm starting to think I should.I don't know, I always have this contradicting thoughts of if I do this then I'll feel like this, or if I say this to this person, they'll think this and blah blah blah.Sorry this is long and confusing but I am just at a crossroads, and I have never been this interested in learning about a guy before and I guess if I ever actually got the courage to talk to him, I'd want to at least look pretty first. Sometimes being a girl feels like the most difficult thing in the world...
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facebook, never had a boyfriend, notice me, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): There's nothing wrong with trying on new looks and styles. Many people like to reinvent themselves whey few years and totally switch up their hair and clothes and so on. Is that being a fake? Not unless you actively DISLIKE a certain style or look and yet are wearing it just to please others. Experimenting is not being a fake its just trying on different looks to see if you like it. The point is that if you experiment with different styles you could very well find a style or look that both feels comfortable and natural to you AND attracts other people. In a way it is about developing your sense of identity.I have not had problems attracting guys and I have hardly ever worn make up in my entire life (I am now 37) and very seldom wear skirts or heels. Of course not all guys are attracted to me. The point is, there are guys who are attracted to different types of women. I dress however feels natural to me and guys who are similar to me get attracted to me.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2013):
 Should have been NOT - not NO..
Hope it still makes sense.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 October 2013):
I would NO approach him through Facebook if you see him around campus. I would just start to say hi when you see him and IF you can work up the courage, mention that you liked his T-shirt.
He might be flattered that you looked him up on FB, but it could easily go the other way too, as in you "stalked" him and found his FB page, know what I mean?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice. I will definitely try to simply spice up my outfits maybe with jewelry, or bright colors, and perhaps try just a little bit of make-up. However on the topic of conversing with this guy through Facebook, I haven't actually befriended him...he doesn't even know me. I tried typing out a small message that I could send which is here:
"Hey, I know this is completely out of the blue, but I was at one of the group games we played during the beginning of the school year. I saw you were wearing a band t-shirt which I thought was pretty cool. I guess I kinda assumed you were really into music. So I really wanted to ask you what other kinds of bands you like. My name’s _____ by the way :)"
but I'm afraid it'll be too random considering we played the game like a month ago and I've been crushing on him ever since.
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A
male
reader, Stoney1215 +, writes (5 October 2013):
First you need to understand that guys notice every girl. Short tall big small pretty or ugly. We notice them all.
Second you are in college. This is the time of your life to experiment with who you are and what you look like.
Third guys are so afraid of being rejected that we wont approach a girl unless were 99%sure she is interested.
Last beauty is in the eye of the beholder. None of us are models but that does not mean were not good looking. People pay models just to look at them so we cant compare our looks to theirs. The thing that makes anyone the most attractive is being comfortable with yourself and how you look
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2013): Get band vests instead of t shirts. band t shirts can sometimes send out lesbian vibes.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (5 October 2013):
 There is nothing wrong with the way you dress or who you are but I do think sometimes it helps things along to dress up a bit!! Why not get fitted band t-shirts (or alter them yourself) so that they show off your figure. Team them with a short skirt or maybe some little shorts - you are young make the most of it!! Style your hair a bit and maybe some mascara and lip gloss and you will look gorgeous I'm sure ;)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 October 2013):
It's all part of growing up and finding yourself.
You like movie and band T'-shirts -cool. You can still experiment with your looks and KEEP the T-shirts.
I would just try little things NOT for boys to notice you, but for you to see yourself as more then a shy girl who loves music & movies. There is more to you.
Using make up isn't a bad thing, but it really isn't for everyone. I have never been a big fan, at any age. Mascara and lip-gloss is my mainstays. I RARELY ever wear more then that. Find what works for you.
Sometimes getting a little outside your comfort zone is a good thing. But I would NEVER change who I am to attract someone. Be who you are. But DO try and say hi to the guy with the band T-shirt. Don't sit on your ass expecting everyone to come to you, that isn't going to happen, you WILL have to reach out a little as well.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 October 2013):
 I don't think it is bad. It's just that for some girls, make up comes natural to them like brushing their teeth every morning. For some, it's a burden and it's not good for people with skin sensitivities. I do understand the importance of looking good as I am very visual. I am considering permanent make up. Just a one time thing. It becomes the new you. There are also eye lash serums. You want to be as natural as you are at the same time enhancing your looks.
You wear what you want. If you have a girly shape anything you wear is feminine.
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