A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:is it bad that my boyfriend doesn't finger me when i give him a handjob? he did it a few times in the beginning of our relationship and seemed pretty into it but for weeks now whenever we do anything sexual it's really one-sided and i don't really get anything in return. like, after he orgasms he loses all his desire to do anything sexual and it's all over and we just go to bed. i've even tried to avoid touching him down there, thinking that maybe if i waited a while he'd start to finger me and then i could finish him off afterward... but that doesn't change anything b/c he never does it and it just makes everything really drawn out and i finally just cave and give him the handjob and we go to bed. don't get me wrong i love pleasing him like that but i just kind of wish he would do it for me too once in a while. i know it's not that big a deal but sometimes it doesn't seem very fair cause like... he gets me all excited/aroused and then nothing happens, whereas i always make it a point to finish what i start if i get him excited like that.i'm not sure what's going on, i think he might be doing it because he's afraid he won't be able to make me come. b/c every time he's fingered me he's never been able to get me there, and i always try to reassure him by saying it's not easy to get a girl to orgasm and that i'm not disappointed or anything. i really think i've done my best to make sure it isn't like... damaging his ego or anything. still i wonder if he's thinking like "well if i can't get her to orgasm i might as well not bother fingering her at all". i think maybe he's scared to try again cause he's scared he'll fail and embarrass himself or something and i'll think he's inadequate, which is totally not the case. or maybe it has nothing to do with that and he's just totally oblivious to the fact that girls like to be fingered too once in a while...i know he loves me and i really love him, he's a total sweetheart and everything else about our relationship is absolutely perfect right now so i know he's not losing interest or anything... i just don't know what i should do. how should i bring this up to him? is it normal for a guy to do this? all my other bfs have always reciprocated sexually so i'm not really used to it...any thoughts?
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male
reader, spud8r +, writes (18 September 2010):
Yeah, I think that is quite unfair of him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): ok so i talked to him everything's ok turns out he stopped because he said he thought my body language was showing him that i wasn't really getting any enjoyment out of it and i wasn't really saying anything felt good unless he asked first which made him think i was just saying yes to make him happy and keep him from feeling bad or like he was failing. he had no idea it was bothering me this much and i think he feels kind of bad but everything's ok now we just have to communicate better from now on i think. thanks everyone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): thanks. i think maybe what you said was right because now that i think about it, there are lots of times where he does something to me (ex. squeezes my boobs) and then if i don't say that i like it, or that it feels good, he assumes that i don't want him to do it... so he stops. when in reality i DO like it, but i'm just not a very vocal person and sometimes i forget that he relies so heavily on me literally voicing my desires out loud. so maybe i just need to be more vocal instead of assuming he knows what i want.and DoubleM, i appreciate your concern, but you have to trust me when i say i know he really does love me; he is literally the best boyfriend i know of, let alone the best i've had... we've been best friends for several years even before we dated (not just good friends, but seriously best friends) and he's the only person who totally understands me. he would do (and has done) anything and everything for me... this is the only thing even close to a problem that i've had with him in the entirety of our relationship (including before we dated). i'm not saying this in an agitated way, i just want to keep clear about the facts. i've had a lot of real asshole boyfriends before, who really have used me. i'm not the kind of girl who lies to herself about anything, so i'm not deluding myself into thinking he loves me... with that said, i'm just trying to figure out the reasons for what's going on because i know a lack of love isn't it. like i said before, i think it might be like the first answerer said. i'm going to talk to him about it soon so hopefully i'll find out for myself in good time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Possibility one:YOU: Babe, I'm feeling horny right now and... I want you to (-----) because it turns me on sooo much...HIM: Oh... like this? do you like this?YOU: Um...hmmm.... a little more like this...*happy ending*Possibility two:YOU: Babe, I'm horny... I want you to finger me...HIM: Uhhh, but (---excuse---)YOU: (forget about him and move on to a respectful, mature and non-selfish lover who will be happy to treat you sexually)*happy ending*
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 February 2009):
 Well, despite all the perceived love that you think is involved, what exactly do you not understand about being used by a selfish and self-centered boyfriend?
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