A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My mother is an alcoholic. She and my stepfather were married almost 10 years before they got a divorce. I understand why he did it. He had to choose either his 4 children (including me) or my mother who was helpless. It was a hard decision for him to make, but a wise one. We have done everything to help her. Now I have no idea in the world where she is. I love her but I cannot trust her. In the past, she has broken into our home and stolen things while we were away. When they were married, she would pick up me and the other kids from school drunk and drive us home almost getting into accidents. All of this was going on during my senior year of high school. Weve had to call the cops on her numerous times for her behavior and drunk driving.I am now 19 and in college helping my stepfather take care of my siblings.I just want to know: is it bad for me to feel like I wish she was dead, just to have some relief to know that no one is in danger, including herself? I wish she was gone so she can have some peace. I really feel like if I found out that she died, I wouldnt cry. And not crying about something that tragic and devastating, makes me want to cry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Join the club,baby...My mum and my dad broke up when I was 1 1/2 years old. I was raised by my grandma,coz of course she was always busy,working.2 years ago she had 2 operations.One on the breast and one on the neck. She started medication,but as all pathetic losers,she decided that she does not want pills,so she started the alcohol,in combination with pills for the depression. At the begining she didn't want to admit that she has problems.After some months,she started saying,that this thing is not ok,but she kept drinking...I cant even count,how many times I had lessons to her students,coz she was drunk or with a hangover.Last Wednesday,she was drunk,as usual.We had a fight,and she punched me on the face,breaking my grasses.I kicked her ass,spilling the wine on her face,saying "If you like it,drink it".She promised that she won't drink again,She spoke to speciallists...But my life is already a hell.I am scared everyday.I am in a long distance relationship,and I am really thinking on quiting on the University(where of course I am doing horrible,coz she won't even let me study)and move with him...But there are some moments,that I really want her dead...Really,really...I hope for some accident,or even some times I want her to drink like hell and kill herself.I am sorry If I sound cruel,but that's how reality is.I want to sleep with my door unlocked again...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2008): my mum too is an alcoholic
it has got to the point now where i dont even recognise her i used to look up to her she was stylish i wanted to steal all her clothes now i look at her and wonder what happened? my brothers laugh at her she looks nothing like she used to. it hurts me to think people are looking at her thinking what the hell happened to susan? even worse that they pitty her and her family!
why is she like this? we are just a normal family and i dont know how this has happened
being the only girl i have took alot on, looking after the house, taking care of my younger brother emotionally and financialy. (as my mother spends all her money on alcohol)
i am scared every time i have a drink and maybe get drunk. i am worried it is in the genes and out of the three of us it will be me who follows in my mothers foot steps.
i love her to bits, i love her because she is my mother and i have always loved her but i cant see my mother ever wanting help no matter what help is offered and this will be the deaf of her!
i am scared everty time she disapears on a bender that will be the last i am just waiting for a call from the police to say 'your mother is dead' it breaks my heart!
wish i could have said all this to my mum but she wouldnt listen either way!!!
Joeley x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): Hi, your question was really interesting to me, and I think you are really brave. many thanks, and good luck, Lily
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): i would like to know the answer to this question too,my mum was an alcoholic to, but she did die when i was fifteen i'm 36 now and i still feel guilty that i felt like a big weight had been lifted off me when she died. Because there would be no more hurt in my life,truth is the hurt is as real today as it was back then. So sorry but i have no idea if its right or wrong to feel that way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): i hate my mother, my friend was asking me a question the other day on parenting, i replied :'i don't know.. well, when i have got a mother then perhaps i will have an answer to your question' everyday, i pray she burns in hell. i think i'll be laughing at her funeral. i felt bad initially, wishing her dead, but no, not ever anymore. it doesn't matter to me if it's bad to wish my mother was dead anymore, it really serves no purpose. i'm praying her to die. do i get a nod from almighty above? of course he wouldn't understand. technically speaking, no religion will understand 'i praying my mum to die', so what's good what's bad, it makes no difference anymore. i just hope she goes out of my life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): heymy mum died when i was 7 and she was an alchoholic when she died. I often feel it was for the best or I would never have turned out so well. Don't wish your mum's death though - she has issues that she needs to deal with that go much further back than your family and your step dad.Keep clear of her when she is like the way she is but try ot help her as much as poss by getting her to either take councilling or seeing someoneIN 20 years time your mum could come through this and you could have a great relationship with her so try to see how things could be in the future and not how they are now :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): I feel for you. I'm in a bad situation with my mother, who overreacts every time I don't agree with her. She's hypocritical and this is the second time she has thrown me out of the house. I have two bruises from where she pinched her nails into my skin and pushed my out the door. I think that you should make peace with yourself first, and try - not avoiding her, but not anger her either. Don't ignore her, but don't really talk to her. If you're afraid of her, she'll notice sometime. If it satisfies her and gets her to abuse or emotionally abuse you, call a friend or maybe get someone else to look after you while your mother calms down and then call a relative or child services for some advice. We all care.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Two months ago my mum died from liver failure after years of alcohol abuse. I sat in that hospital wishing she would die hours before. Two months later the only thing I want is for my mum to be here to hold me. I know what you have been through as my story is the same. She is your one and only mother... thats all I can say. And i'd give anything to have mine back....
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (28 September 2007):
 It is not bad. It is normal given what you went through. As long as you do not act on those feelings, it is OK to have them.
I wish you peace. Take care.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): I can completely understand where you are coming from and i disagree with the first poster. i dont think they understood you at all. you dont mean you hate your mum and wish she was dead - you mean you wish she would stop her destructive behaviour and you dont see her ever doing it and you cant see her life ever changing so the only way it will stop is if she passed away. she has hurt you a lot and your feelings are completely understandable. you just want her to stop hurting herself and to stop hurting other people.its similar to how i felt when my grandmother was dying - she was so ill and in so much pain but she held on for so long and i remember wishing she would just let go because she was in so much pain and it was so hard for my mum to see her in so much pain and i knew she would not get better so i just wanted everyones suffering to end. not because i wanted her dead.my biological father is an alcoholic and i love him very much but i have absolutely no contact with him. i cant have because he is too much of a dangerous man and i think that is a similar situation to yours. sometimes there are certain people you just cannot have in your life because they will bring you down and i think your mum might be one of those people. you have to reach a point where you say - it doesnt matter who it is, i cannot have someone this destructive and negative in my life - and try to move on. im sorry to say this because i know she is your mum and you love her, but i really dont think you would be missing out on much if you had no contact with her and built your life without her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): You don't trust her, you don't trust she is ever to be able to change. That is why you think it would be a relief for everyone [including her] if she found her rest. The thought doesn't make you a bad person. She's hurt you a lot and your siblings by walking away on you, but not because of the pain she caused you think it's better that she died, but of all the things she could be or could have been but doesn't seem she is able to be. It doesn't make you bad not to be crying over the idea of her death, you may seek to turn the bitterness into resignation. And feel that not having "found herself" in the heart of the family, she can't do it among strangers either. Not believing she can actually rehabilitate, maybe instead of judging her you want to feel compassion for her bad choices, and it's always easier to be compassionate or excuse the mistakes of a dead person. It must have been hard to accept the abandon and her addiction, but think you can vindicate this and give your own children a good mother, a present mother. The next generation can be saved from this, and will be, I'm sure, because you have learnt how important family is and to try the best to work things out. If she reappears, you'll see. Now what you feel is not unnormal. Try and be less concerned about this issue and concentrate on the family you have, you can handle it. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): I don't think it's wrong. But if were to die I know youd be upset.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): If you mail me privately if you wish - I will be able to go into some detail about this with you.
I'll leave it at that for the time being.
Phil
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A
female
reader, adangerousmind  +, writes (27 September 2007):
I completely feel for you. I have an alcoholic father who has done things very similar to your mother. I used to believe the same that if he was dead I wouldn't cry but then you realise she has a disease, no different to any other. It isn't bad for you to feel this way, she let you down when you needed her in your life but she is dependant on a drug and until she wants to kick it she can't. You also can't be her keeper, it's a natural human response to worry about her but she isn't your responsibility, she's an adult and worrying about her won't do you any favours. Be there for her if she asks for your help but look after yourself and your stepfather and siblings. When your mum's ready she'll get the help she needs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Your situation is frustrating. You should go to a codependent support group to learn how having an alcoholic parent can affect your life and what can you do about it. You may not know what it is but you and all your family are codependent and need to get treatment.
No it's not OK to wish ur mom was dead or to tell her. (Even if you feel she deserves it) That's cursing and it'll get back to you. Not because I say so, but the Bible says so. I don't know if you are a believer though.
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