A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am I asking for too much for my gf to notice my hair. I have not been looking after myself, as depressed and lockdown. I went and got major makeover and she has not mentioned it even once. I am so tempted to take pics and send to others and I will get more response. I always lift her up, when she’s complaining about spots and her issues that never end. I compliment and call her beautiful all the time because I mean it. I have never needed this although I love her noticing. But I am a little deflated. Surely a compliment from the woman who loves u. Or even her acknowledging it or saying something. I feel so small and insignificant. I can easily get my boost from elsewhere but why not her? Isn’t that what partnership is about. Supporting each other. Than I stop bothering with clothes and realised she doesn’t notice. Than I paid attention to fact we barely talk. I’m realising maybe I missed the signs.
View related questions:
acne, depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 April 2021):
 I'm with Code Warrior on EVERYTHING.
I will just add this:
"Than I stop bothering with clothes and realised she doesn’t notice. Than I paid attention to fact we barely talk. I’m realising maybe I missed the signs."
Don't stop dressing NICELY, IF YOU enjoy that. It's PART of being a whole grown person, that you take care of your appearance. Doesn't mean you have to dress up ALL the time, but good hygiene, clean clothes, a nice shave or trim the beard, etc. is important. Most people FEEL better when they take CARE of themselves.
Would it be nice if she noticed and TOLD you she noticed? YES! Does she OWE you to give you ego boosts because she is your partner? No. Nor do you OWE her that.
You give her compliments because you mean them, YOU say. But what you also say in between the lines, is that BECAUSE you compliment HER, you EXPECT her to return that favor, which makes your compliments SELF-SERVING not just given "just" because you mean them.
You don't NEED her to validate you. And she doesn't NEED you to validate her. That doesn't mean you both don't ENJOY being validated. Here is the thing though, you are not BETTER looking because SHE tells you that you are.
When you FEEL good about your looks, your body, how you carry yourself IT really shows. It shows confidence in yourself. So BE confident in yourself. Don't need HER to boost that. You know you look much better now. Don't tear that down because she doesn't pat you on the head and tell you that you are pretty.
You could post pictures of yourself online and have a little "look at me, look at me, attention please!!" but that only makes you look like you have NO confidence.
If you rarely speak, do you mean there are NO interactions? You don't talk about anything?
And there is more to being a supportive partner than telling them they are hot or pretty.
If you two don't live together and rarely talk then WHY continue the relationship? Maybe you have grown apart?
I think there is more to "just" her not noticing your hair. You are just focused on that.
It's GOOD that you are taking care of yourself, but it's not good that you think you somehow deserve a medal for finally getting off your ass for some simple self-care.
Keep moving forward. Keep making improvements to yourself, mentally and physically. Learn to NOT depend on someone to TELL you that you look good. You like your new haircut, GREAT! That is ALL that matters ~! That YOU like it!
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (5 April 2021):
 As you say in the end of your post you barely talk, so maybe you have indeed missed the signs.
You know your relationship better than we do here at DC, but i would say a couple that have stopped complimenting each other, and have also stopped talking sounds like a relationship that has run its course.
You can either try to work at it, ask her why she no longer compliments you, or end things and walk away.
...............................
|
