A
female
age
36-40,
*ethG
writes:hi. last year i went through a very messy divorce. my ex husband shattered my heart and i became determined not to fall in love again. it would be safer that way. however 6 months ago i meet an extraordinary man, kind and sweet. we began to date. i let him know straight away i didnt intend to fall in love and this was to be light and fun. he always answered with we'll see. as time went by we discovered alot about each other. he was friends with his ex's which i liked since my ex husband and i are bitter enemies. one ex in particular he helps out a lot which i think shows his kindness.anyway we eventually fell in love and this has turned into a serious relationship. i am very happy but ive found out he still says love you to his ex. he says its a completely different love from what he feels for me and doesn't ever want to go back there. but this doesn't sit easy with me. it makes me uncomfortable. ive tried to explain this to him but he refuses to see how this can make me uncomfortable. he says im making it an issues because i have trust issues. but i need to know is it acceptable to say love you to an ex?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 In my opinion I think this is crossing a line. It is great he gets on well with his ex, but to me an ex is an ex for a reason. He is with you now and he needs to put her in his past. You just need to tell him that this is not okay with you, tell him how it makes you feel. This would make a lot of women feel insecure. If he is not willing to stop telling her he loves her then I guess it shows how little he thinks of using the word. Some people do say it out of habit. But if it is upsetting you and he is not willing to change, I would be asking myself why.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2016): The fact that he says you have trust issues should make him tread more carefully. He should respect your feelings on this as it is a source of discomfort.
He's blaming your issues for something that most people would see as inappropriate...be careful.
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 I would have a super hard time accepting the fact that anyone I was dating was still saying they love their ex. The short answer to your question is "no".
To me, the word "love" can have many different meanings. I love spaghetti, running and pancakes. I do. I could live off all 3 things.
But when I say I love to another human being, that means something completely different. To love someone, to me, you are bestowing them your highest feelings. It also means you come first and that you are my first priority.
I would feel fairly disappointed if I were in your shoes. Either his words mean something, or they don't. And while he may "love" his ex, he feelings appear to be unrequited at best.
I have a feeling you are going to have to accept the fact that he still has fairly strong feelings for the woman in his past. Hopefully it remains just that -- a feeling and not something he acts upon.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 February 2016):
 I'm an "ex-" and my G/F didn't ever, even say "I love you" when we were an item!!!!! If she said it now.... I'd ask her what she's been drinking and/or smoking......
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 February 2016):
 I think it comes down to the individual, really.
For some the words, I Love You doesn't have all that much meaning, for others it does. It sounds like it more of a habit than out of "love" that he uses that phrase.
You two are still new in this relationship, so I would hold my horses before getting up in arms about it.
If you DO find it unacceptable, I think it's OK to mention it, but... I don't think a GF of 5 months has the right to tell her partner how he greets his ex. IF the rest of the conversation it utterly platonic I, personally, see no big deal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2016): No it is not. After everything you have been through he should respect your feelings and be more considerate. If he refuses to acknowledge your feelings then this will not bode well for a happy relationship. Think seriously about having a relationship with someone who tries to make you feel bad quoting 'trust issues' when he so clearly is aware of the upset he is causing. You deserve more.
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